Triple thanks
by CollinsJ
Summary: Jane and Maura find themselves with mixed babies...something has gone terribly wrong.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: *Trigger warning for this chapter…child death mentioned (not too graphic)***

**This is a continuation of 'Friendship or Love'. It would help to read that one first. Also, a lot of credit for this goes to my Nathalie, she helped a lot.**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Rizzoli and Isles. **

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PROLOGUE

Friday night:

''Okay guys I gotta run,'' Jane said as she pulled her blazer on.

''Ahhhhh,'' chorused her friends, ''you're no fun since you got married Rizzoli,'' slurred a very drunk Frost.

''You might wanna consider getting home too buddy. At this rate, you'll _never_ be married''

''Ooooooooh,'' crooned Amanda, who was just slightly less drunk.

''It's ok, I got this,'' Frankie cast a glance towards the pair. ''I'll make sure they get home''

Jane just smiled and shook her head as she rushed out. Those four were quite the combination when mixed with alcohol on a Friday night. This particular night had been better because Frankie was the designated driver and had only had one beer, and Nina was back at the precinct working. _That's not a fair assessment, Jane thought to herself. _She too had been part of that 'those four' clan not too long ago, along with her fiancée Jason. After Maura left for France, Jane had turned to alcohol for comfort. Lucky for her, she had acquired an entourage. Her brother and partner were all too happy to indulge as well. They drank for fun, but Jane drank to forget about the pain of missing Maura. It wasn't long before Nina joined too. And that's how they had met Jason and Amanda.

Now though, Jane had put all that aside. With Maura's return, came Jane's sanity.

The detective twisted the wedding band on her finger as she drove home. She was later than she had intended to be, and knew Maura was probably beating herself about it – thinking Jane was doing whatever she could to be home as late as usual. Jane knew this was definitely the case, because Maura hadn't called or texted to ask where she was. Maura was by no means a clingy wife; it was just that their lives were in a tender state and needed to be handled delicately.

After a round of some general successful tests Maura and Jane decided to try IVI. With their chosen donor sperm, they did it alone at home and were successful on their first attempt. _I can't screw this up again, Jane thought as she neared home. _That thought alone threw her into a nervous tailspin. She could feel her heart rate speeding up and her palms getting sweaty. _This is the sort of thing that I shouldn't be entertaining, she reminded herself. _

19 weeks into their pregnancy Jane had had a miscarriage. This was a true testament to their marriage, as it had potential to ruin them. Jane was stressed and hurt and angry at the world. Maura was nearing depression, and was ultimately blaming herself for the whole situation. Jane hadn't wanted kids just yet, but Maura had made her _want _them. And because Maura couldn't conceive due to an accident in her early teens, the task was left to Jane, who had happily agreed to do it for them. Except, they hadn't quite anticipated the disaster that could ensue from that failure.

Amanda helped them piece together their life – bless her. She was a midwife who worked at the hospital where Jason was one of the security administrators. They had always denied it, but Jane had a felling that something had happened once between Amanda and Jason in the past, long before Jane came into the picture. It didn't matter anyway, because for whatever reason, the two appeared to have concretely decided it would never happen again. Friendship with Amanda had been out of the question immediately in Jane's books after they first met, but after a while she found out that she and Amanda had a lot in common and to her amazement they soon became friends. It also helped that Amanda got on with Frankie and Nina and had a 'thing' for Frost.

''Hey, sorry the guys kept me later than I wanted,'' Jane apologised as she stepped into their bedroom.

''They _kept _you? Hostage?'' Maura teased, smiling at her wife coyly.

''You are so not funny you know,'' Jane laughed as she disrobed, going to give Maura a kiss. ''Hey beautiful''

''I missed you,'' Maura confessed.

Those two…so in love. Even after two and a half years of marriage, they still appeared like newlyweds. Jane had broken things off with Jason as soon as she got out of hospital. He didn't take it well, for one prominent reason – Jane was leaving him for a woman. His ego had been completely burned to asses. His friends and co-workers had made fun of him, fueling his anger further. His love for Jane had quickly transformed into hate, leading to mild threats and harsh remarks. Jane wasn't scared of him; she was just bothered by how it was affecting Maura. In order to allow Maura to move back to Boston happily Jane had sought after the help of Amanda and they had sat down to have an actual grown up conversation. Jason wasn't pacified, but had gathered the rest of his dignity and moved on – leaving Amanda with some food for thought.

''_I thought you were my friend, we have a history. But you have just thrown me to the curb and all of a sudden sided with Jane,'' Jason fumed after that little intervention. _

''_I haven't _sided _with her, but Jason, she loves Maura''_

''_Bullshit! All this time I met her and dated her and got _engaged _to her there was never a single mention of Maura. And now all of a sudden she's in love with her?''_

''_It's complicated. And she's already explained the situation to you. It's not like Jane's just met Maura. They knew each other for years, much longer than we have both known her,'' Amanda reasoned with him. _

''_You realise how humiliating this is right? I have to tell everyone I am no longer engaged because my fiancée is a lesbian, and is back together with her….you know what, forget it. But just so you know, I'm hurt and disappointed. I thought you would have my back, always, like you promised.'' And he did look genuinely injured. _

''_I have your back Jason, which is why we are having this conversation. I can't force Jane to be with you. What do you expect me to do?''_

''_Help me,'' Jason supplied, as if it was common sense. _

''_How?''_

_After a short pause, ''Maybe some day I'll figure out how to get back at her, how to even the ground. So she can feel how painful and embarrassing this is''_

''_Jason….'' Amanda warned. Knowing how creative Jason can be when it comes to plotting revenge. One time five years ago he had asked Amanda to steal 'zopiclone' sleeping pills that he had put in his co-workers coffee. The man had been knocked out after a short while, and failed to watch the surveillance footage which led to a child entering an intensive care unit – subsequently causing mild trauma : the poor man lost his job. Jason had shown no remorse because this man apparently 'stole' the promotion he wanted. ''The man lost his job,'' Amanda had said, feeling utterly guilty for her input. ''He flirted with the manager and she promoted him. That's not fair so he deserves it.'' That was Jason's final word on the matter then. So now Amanda feared he would do something on par with that, if not worse. _

''_Can I count on you to help me when I fight for justice and try to salvage my manhood?''_

_Amanda wanted to say no, she _had _to say no. But there was something about Jason…she easily found herself being his wing'woman' whenever he asked. Even if it was for atrocious acts like this, she still felt inclined to be at his aid. Perhaps it had something to do with the time he had assaulted a guys 'balls' who had been five seconds away from raping her. _

_But how long would she be in his debt? At some point she was going to have to draw the line. Clearly this instance wasn't that specified time. _

…

''Are you still interested in going away this weekend?'' Maura broached as Jane settled for bed.

''Of course, why wouldn't I be?''

''I don't know. I was just…confirming,'' Maura hesitated.

''Maura, I'm ok. I can do this, I promise. You know I wouldn't lie to you right?''

''Yes. Thank you''

''No, thank _you_''

_When Jane lost the baby, NO, when Jane 'and' Maura lost the baby, Jane thought she would die from grief. I say 'and' because it was both of them that lost the baby not just Jane – Jane, who at the time had not viewed it this way. What prevented Jane from being admitted into an asylum – if they still call them that – was, ironically, a heated one-way conversation between her and Maura after the miscarriage. _(''I lost a child too Jane,'' Maura shouted. ''It isn't ok for you to bury yourself in the sheets and cry forever. I'm dying here too Jane,'' Maura had said that last part in a strained voice as her voice wouldn't let the noise out. ''I'm here for you, being your wife and doing everything in my power to make things better. But who's taking care of me Jane? You are my wife and I need you too,'' she had cried harder. ''We lost a child, so we should grieve together. If we are going to get lost in our sorrow then we should do it together. Don't leave me to suffer alone, please'')_ Jane wept. Never in her life had the detective cried so loudly and so bitterly before. Her pride completely vanished as she sunk to the floor and gagged from her desperate sobs. The doctors had to sedate her after being shown the tiny glossy body that would have been their daughter. _

_Sixteen months ago…_

''_I can't be in labour now Maura can i? It's only been 19 weeks,'' Jane practically expelled the sentence through shallow breaths as Maura sped to the hospital. _

_She didn't answer, pretending to be engrossed in getting them to their destination safely. Maura was a doctor and _knew _Jane was in labour. What she also knew was that the chances of that day ending badly were very high. _

_When they got to the hospital it was determined pretty quickly that Jane was in premature labour. They swiftly prepped her for the surgery, with Maura staying no more than a few inched away but saying little to nothing._

_Their daughter's little heart was still breathing when she was delivered at 7:45pm that night. And at 7:57pm she had left the world. After only 12 minutes on earth – the cruelty of life! Maura had held her, almost weightless in her shaky hands. They hadn't named her, still deciding from the list that had been now cut down to seven names. Maura observed her closely, and decided that she most likely would have taken up the features and bone structure of their chosen donor. Her toes and hands had formed, all twenty of them. As well as her perfect lips and nose._

_Jane glanced at her form ONCE, only once. She couldn't digest what she saw. Her little girl was laid on a white silk cloth with a yellow 'toy-like' looking peg on her navel. Her first thought was that she looked like an alien, and immediately after that she wanted to throw up and die. She loathed herself for thinking that. But she couldn't bring herself to look at the dead child again and form a different description. She writhed and howled and screamed to an unknown deity asking why she had been dealt this hand in life. After she was sedated Maura sat down and took her daughter into her hands. She was so tiny she fit perfectly into her hands. Her small body was beginning to lose its warmth as Maura placed her lips on her forehead to kiss her daughter goodbye._

_... _

No one though Jane would ever recover from her loss, even Maura had almost lost all her faith, until Angela learned of a 'Grieving and Relieving' retreat that the couple could go to.

It worked wonders in their lives.

And this is where Jane and Maura were going this weekend for the last time. Their 'necessary' visits had come to an end about four months ago. They had miraculously come to terms with their loss and were now moving on. This planned last visit was an added last because they had now decided and arranged to try again for another child. They were no longer going to grieve their daughter but were going to _remember_ her. They had accepted and come to terms with their loss.

* * *

The sun was shining in a very peculiar way that afternoon – almost blinding in its brightness. Jane and Maura had arrived from their three hour journey that morning. The brunette was just making her way up to the thatched gazebo for some spiritual healing. She had parted from her wife as the blonde went for a joint counselling sessions with three other women who had lost their children too.

''I'm glad you are going to try for another child Jane,'' Mildred said. She was an elderly woman who conducted faith sessions with those who believed. Jane, it turned out, had become more spiritual in a way, seeking divine solace from the almighty.

''Thank you,'' Jane paused abruptly after those two words.

''Talk to me Jane. What is it?'' Mildred encouraged.

''I-'' Jane sighed, not sure how to articulate herself. She had the thoughts laid out clearly, but she couldn't find the word to attach to them. The very grey elderly woman waited patiently with the experience of someone who had been doing this for years. Eventually Jane continued. ''I want to do it right this time,'' she said firmly. ''I'm going to be on desk duty from the recommended time, and I'll even work short days. And as soon as I shouldn't be working I'll stop. I'm going to eat all the healthy food in the world and take all the medication I should,'' she was on a roll now. ''And we're going to have a name for the baby as soon as I am pregnant. And we are going to start setting up the nursery and everything''

''That sounds like a good plan Jane. Can I ask though, why you are very particular about all these things this time around? You don't still feel guilty do you?''

''No. I've worked on that. And I understand now that it wasn't my fault that we lost the baby. And I have accepted that she didn't die because I was still working or because I didn't eat right. Part of me obviously will forever wonder WHY it happened to us. But I guess I know now that its life and these things happen, to anyone. There isn't anything special about me and Maura that-''

''You are very special Jane. Both you and Maura. And so is everyone else at this resort and in the world for that matter. Nobody deserves such pain.''

Jane nodded in understanding, and then continued. It was a testament to how much she had healed; now she could go through this conversation without dissolving into tears. ''I can't help but feel like the baby left because she felt a little unwanted or unwelcomed''

''Jane-''

''I know Mildred, it sounds stupid. But _you _are the one that keeps telling us that our feelings are true to us. And even though some things we think and feel don't make much sense to other people, it matters that they make sense to us.''

''You are right, yes''

''We didn't have a name for her. We hadn't done her nursery or started her shopping. We weren't prepared. Maybe she sensed that, and decided to….go away and come back when we were prepared. Hell, I wasn't even enthusiastic about the idea of a baby to begin with. Maybe, just _maybe _she could feel and sense all this''

One of the things that made Mildred a successful spiritual coach and counselor was that she had respect for peoples feeling and thoughts. People grieving come up with some strange rationalisations and weird solutions. They think things out of the ordinary and make up realities for themselves. But this is how they cope, and shutting them down or telling them they aren't making sense doesn't help them. What actually helps is allowing them to grieve and deal with their situation in a way that is comfortable and true to _them_. So if Jane thought that her lack of preparation made her lose the baby, then fine. And if she believed that being better prepared this time around would yield positive results, so be it. At the end of the day, Mildred's job is primarily to instil positive attitudes in people, to help them heal at their pace and in their way, to listen, to support, and to encourage.

''Have you decide when you will start trying again?'' she inquired.

''Yes,'' Jane beamed immediately. ''I've done all my check-ups and we've picked a donor. We are going to do an intrauterine insemination at home. Hopefully this week actually,'' she adds excited.

''Oh wow. That's great Jane. I'm really glad you are trying again. And you have to trust that you will be successful this time around''

''I hope so,'' she says as she inhales and exhales theatrically.

''So….at home huh.'' Mildred knew just about everything there was to know about the first pregnancy so she wondered about the change.

''Yes. Amanda…a friend of ours, she is a midwife and has agreed to help us. She walked us through all this stuff I didn't even know about. And we realised it might be better for us. We're doing an IUI because it has a higher success rate at the first try. We'll do two insemination's to take full advantage since I'm over 35'' Mildred didn't know what IUI stood for exactly. And she certainly didn't need the particulars of everything. But this was the place for people like Jane to just….release. So while she didn't necessarily need to hear all the details, she was glad that Jane was enthusiastic and happy to share. ''I'm due to be ovulating mid of the week so we should do it then. And at home we'll be more relaxed and have the help of our friend''

''That sounds all so modern,'' Mildred joked. ''We had none of that in our days''

''Well welcome to the modern world granny,'' Jane joked back. It was nice, that Jane had found her way back to herself.

* * *

Monday morning:

Frost ran up the stairs to meet Jane and Korsak who were scanning the upstairs for any details that would help solve their current case. A man had been found dead that morning by his girlfriend when she returned from her jog. The body had already been taken away and the detectives were looking for any other clues that could point them in the right direction.

''Perfect timing,'' Jane clapped her hands just as Frost stepped into the main bedroom.

''I'm late, I know,'' he rolled his eyes at his partner. ''What we got?''

Not wanting to let them taunt each other any further, Korsak stepped in and got Frost up to speed quickly.

''I see we are still recovering from the weekend,'' Jane winked at Frost as they made their way back to the station.

''Don't even go there''

''Oh come on, do tell.'' When that was met with silence Jane got her answer. ''So you slept with her huh,'' she commented.

''It's not like that''

''Of course,'' Jane laughed at the cliché.

''I mean it, it was just a one-time thing….over a two day period,'' he added timidly.

''Well I'm glad you two have got it _thoroughly _out of the way. It was bound to happen sooner or later right''

''We aren't dating or anything''

Jane laughed out loud at this. ''Of course you aren't. You just wanted to sleep together. Hence why I said I'm glad you've got that out of the way''

''And why does that sound so wrong coming from you?'' he smiled, glad that Jane understood him completely.

''Cause it's the truth. And the truth has a way of sounding like that. Or maybe just because it's so blunt,'' she laughed. ''Maura is definitely rubbing off on me isn't she''

''Ewww,'' Frost scrunch up his face is mock distaste.

''Ewww you. Oh my God, what is wrong with you guys. Perv,'' she said punching his upper up. After a short while they pulled up at the station and Jane just had to ask. ''you ok though?''

Frost rubbed his face debating on whether to tell Jane the truth or not. It was a useless evaluation, Jane would know if he wasn't being honest. ''I don't know. It was just weird''

''Ok. Please don't start giving me the details of your sexual encounter with th-…..my friend,'' Jane quickly caught herself. What she was going to say was 'please don't give me the details of your sexual encounter with the woman who is going to help me have a baby in a few days times''

Frost saw this as his escape out of the conversation and quickly made a move to leave the car. Jane pulled on his arm very quickly though. _Reflexes on point, she silently muttered to herself. _

''Sorry, hey….talk to me,'' Jane then said seriously. Communicating to her partner and friend that she was earnestly listening.

''It's stupid, I was really drunk….like completely wasted and the first night was such a blur''

''Ok, I thought we were having a serious one to one here Frost? Now you are just going to moan about not remembering what it was like,'' Jane chuckled then quickly fled the car, shaking her head at Frost as she walked away.

The truth was that Frost had feelings for Amanda. And Jane knew it. What they also knew was that Amanda didn't feel that way about Frost. She liked him, yes. Liked him enough to sleep with him, yes. But not enough to have a fully committed relationship him. And so Jane was sure this is what was bothering her partner. Frost probably envisioned a romantic rendezvous filled with hours of love making and hopefully a repeat after that. What he got though, was two drunken nights of plain sex. Jane felt bad, and in other circumstances she should have comforted him more appropriately. It's just that the timing was wrong. Amanda was their long-time friend, a midwife, who was going to help her and Maura conceive a baby very soon. The last thing she needed was talking to Frost about his disappointing encounter with said woman. It would have to wait for later.

What Jane didn't know though, was that Frost was not quite going where she assumed he was. The young detective had a strange feeling that something was off. This wasn't the first weekend he had been 'piss drunk'. They did this all the time, so he knew himself. It was too odd to him that he had slept with Amanda, a woman he liked _very _much, and didn't remember any details of the encounter except waking up cuddled together naked in a heap of sheets. He could at least have remembered _something_, anything really. But he had searched his brain and came up blank. Friday night had been lost to him, forever.

Saturday night they had drank just as much. They went out partying with everyone else and returned home equally drunk. But when he had sex with Amanda that night again, he remembered it. Obviously not as clearly as he would have liked, but he remembered enough bits and pieces of it.

So why had he been unable to put together a few moments of Friday night? It was a mystery.

And with Jane not being available to talk, he laid it to rest. He certainly wasn't going to tell his other friends that he and Amanda slept together. That was to remain between them. Jane knew….because Jane knew. And Frost certainly wasn't going to bring up his blank memory with Amanda. So he could die of embarrassment? Never!

* * *

The ovulation test Jane and Maura took indicated that the best days to try and get pregnant were Wednesday and Thursday. Amanda was due to arrive in an hour for the insemination. Maura had just collected their donor sperm from the sperm bank they were using. In essence, everything was just as it should be.

Jane however, was feeling a little off kilter. Or maybe _a lot _off kilter.

The brunette laid on her bed freshly showered looking at the ceiling. Maura had instinctually known her wife needed a moment or two to herself before everything started happening, so she set about getting other things ready and leaving Jane to her thoughts for a short time.

The detective's thoughts drifted to the funeral. Exact details of that day were hazy in her memory. She just vaguely remembered parts of the ceremony. Some things that happened came to her long after the day itself, those thoughts presenting themselves at odd times that left Jane weak to the knees – and not in the pleasant way.

Jane could hear light cluttering from the kitchen where Maura was preparing what she assumed was a light supper for later as her thoughts drifted even further. She remembered the little white box that held the miniature body of their deceased daughter. That image is where her thoughts halted. Now was hardly the time to go down that path. So she shut her eyes tightly and sent a prayer to the most divine being begging once again for this attempt to be fully successful.

''Hey,'' Maura whispered coming back into their bedroom to join her wife. ''I love you,'' she kissed her as she snuggled up against the woman who meant the world to her and more.

Jane replied by kissing her temple. They lay together in bed like that quietly, each plagued by their own thoughts. Surprisingly, Maura's mind took off just where Jane's had halted – the funeral. They had decided they wanted to bury her. And it was 'her' because a name never was given. She looked like a doll in the horizontal position she was in in the small casket. They had put the tiniest of hats on her, together with a tiny white dress, and had her covered in a silk white blanket. It was such a contrast to her veiny red body that immediately caught everyone's eye.

The gathering was intimate, with only their family and friends. Maura recalled how Angela had delivered the most touching words, which had left every single person in tears. At the end her and Jane had looked in on her and said their final goodbyes. Frankie and Tommy lowered the box while Jane and Maura held onto each other and cried. It had been the most earth shattering scenes as everyone had recalled after.

''Do you believe in reincarnation?'' Jane saved Maura from her torturous thoughts.

''No,'' Maura replied truthfully as she sat up to look at her wife.

''I have a feeling our little girl is going to come back to us''

''Jane-''

''It's silly I know. But it's just what I feel''

Maura didn't know what to say about this, so she said nothing. ''I don't want to lose you Jane,'' Maura suddenly blurted, on the verge of tears.

''You won't sweetheart. I promise,'' Jane said steadily as she shifted to gather Maura in her arms. She knew what Maura meant.

''The last time I almost did Jane,'' Maura hiccuped. ''and I wouldn't be able to survive it if it happened again''

''It won't Maura. Trust me'' Jane waited a beat for her words to take root, as Maura dried her tears. After a minute they turned on their sides to face each other. ''I almost lost myself as well the last time. It just hadn't really occurred to me that something like that could happen. I know people have miscarriages, but I just figured if it happened it would be the…blood kind,'' Jane winced, taking in a deep breath as she tried to pick better words. ''I just mean, it never occurred to me that we could lose a baby that had developed to that stage. And looking at her, it almost killed me Maura,'' Jane chocked out, trying to keep her tears in check. ''I just wasn't prepared. But now I am.'' When Maura was about to object she quickly added, ''I don't mean that I am prepared for the worst, but I mean that I know what can happen now. There are probably even worse things than I have imagined. But…I'm stronger now. I know more, and I've learnt and grown more. And I understand that if there is a loss, it isn't mine alone. When we lost our little girl, it just wasn't _my _loss. You lost a child too, Ma and Constance lost a granddaughter, Frankie and Tommy lost a niece. I got lost in my own grief screaming to myself '_why did this happen to me?'_ While you guys comforted each other and learnt to deal with it in a healthier way I just suffocated on my own. You won't lose me Maura, I promise you that''

''Thank you,'' Maura said as she planted a kiss to Jane's lips, kissing her fiercely.

Before more could be said the doorbell rang. It was evening and the sun was setting. The atmosphere had magically turned perfect. After their talk, both Maura and Jane felt even more comfortable and happy and ready to do this. Amanda greeted Maura warmly as she entered. They weren't going to waste time with the trivial, but were instead going to get right to business. In any case, Amanda wanted to get the insemination done and leave the two alone. She had to be back the next morning for another insemination.

''I've left everything ready in the bathroom for you,'' Maura said as she led them upstairs to the master bedroom.

''Ok. Just get comfortable while I prepare.'' Amanda greeted Jane as she got into the bedroom and went straight into the ensuite to organise herself.

They had discussed this at length, how weird it might be for a friend to perform such an intimate procedure for them. But they had decided that they could do it. No one knew obviously, for that exact reason. But all three of them would be adults and be professional about it. Maura could easily have done it instead, but had opted not to. She wanted to be a partner and a 'hopefully' parent in the situation. She didn't want to be putting sperm in a tube to Jane's uterus and looking up at her wife's vagina from a medical perspective. Maura wanted to be holding Jane's hand and talking to her and encouraging her. On that night, she just wanted to be a wife who was trying to have a baby with her partner, period.

Meanwhile in the bathroom, Amanda had another agenda. The prospect or relocating to Thailand was too great to pass on. Jason had spoken with his brother who had a practice there and Amanda was going to join the team getting an impressive pay rise and several benefits. She wasn't sure why Jake, he was called, had agreed to something like that, but what mattered was that he had. Its human nature, she had told herself, for people to look out for themselves.

At the end of the day, what did it really matter? Jane and Maura wanted a child right, and they were going to get it. So what if it was had Frosts DNA. It's not like the younger detective was going to press for custody or something. She knew Frost, that wasn't the kind of man he was. And isn't having a baby from a donor you didn't pick better than having you child die like what had happened to the pair before. If anything, they should be grateful, Amanda rationalised idiotically to herself. She had of course, wanted to point all this out to Jason when the man had proposed this ludicrous plan, but then realised it wasn't such a bad situation after all. She gets a job abroad with more money and Jane and Maura get a baby.

It wasn't so bad now was it?

_On Friday night she had not been as drunk as she made out to be. After collecting Frost's sperm and carefully storing it, she ensured he was fast asleep before stepping out onto the back porch to meet someone. Her friend took it to the lab for washing and preservation, while she got back to Frost. She cleared her thoughts and concentrated on her assignment. She was really doing this - this was it._

Switching the intended sperm with the one she had brought that she 'stole' from Frost, Amanda set to work.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I alluded to the life**** of Walter Joshua Fretz from Pennsylvania (born at 19 weeks) and Faith and Hope (2014) from Australia (who died at 19 days).**


	2. Chapter 2

''It's a girl….I can feel it,'' Jane nearly skipped all the way into the doctor's office.

''Honestly Jane, you can't know that,'' Maura beamed as she matched her wife's steps.

''Well I have a gut feeling, and you know my gut has never let me down''

''Well studies do indicate that-''

''Nope,'' Jane quickly shut her up. ''No studies…we are going with feelings remember?'' Maura sighed, wondering why on earth she had indulged Jane in this idea of 'going with our feelings' as the brunette had called it. She was going to live to regret this. But what did it matter anyway; Jane was pregnant and they were going to have a baby. It honestly didn't seem like there was anything else in the world that mattered more.

They were going for the first ultrasound. The 'at home' pregnancy test informed them that Jane was 7 weeks pregnant. It was a pity Amanda was no longer around for them to celebrate together and thank her for all her help. The midwife had left roughly a week after the insemination to attend her grandmother's funeral in Canada. They hadn't heard from her since, understandably, given the situation. But she had been the first they texted to share the news. _''We'll tell everyone else after our first doctors visit,'' Maura had reasoned. Jane had been all too happy to agree. They weren't out of the woods by a long shot; so keeping it quiet was only logical._

_..._

''My my, you two certainly _are _glowing,'' the doctor said as she put her gloves on preparing for the ultrasound scan. It was still very early in the pregnancy and given Jane's previous situation they were going to do a vaginal ultrasound just to be sure things were progressing as they should be. ''How have you been feeling?'' she directed her question to Jane as the brunette laid down with her legs wide open.

''I've been alright actually, no nausea or anything.''

''Well that's good. But don't get too excited, it could start pretty soon,'' the doctor smiled, lifting the hospital bed cover that was keeping Jane modest by covering her from the waist where she had her trousers off.

''that's precisely what I've told her,'' Maura agreed with the doctor. ''But I do hope it will be as smooth a ride as possible,'' she added wistfully, kissing Jane's forehead as a way of encouragement as the doctor inserted the thin ultrasound machine into Jane. ''are you ok?'' Maura asked when she saw Jane wince a little.

''Fine. It's just a bit cold and….uncomfortable,'' she added shyly averting her gaze. Being penetrated is only nice in the best of circumstances surely – when your body is ready for it.

''Sorry,'' her wife smiled back, deliberately keeping her eyes off the machine. She would know everything the second she looked, and she didn't want to have any sort of privilege over Jane. So she was going to look at Jane and wait to hear the news from the doctor the same time Jane would to.

When it took a little longer than normal for the woman to say anything, Jane was the first to ask. ''Is everything alright?'' her voice was a tad weak, a prelude to a trembling voice.

''It's alright Jane, just relax okay,'' the doctor said tenderly, being well versed in how to handle situations like these.

Maura didn't dare look, she could feel her heart beating so fast she thought she was going to faint. ''It's alright,'' she reiterated to Jane, and about fifty thousand times internally to herself.

After a few seconds the doctor inhaled loudly, and Maura didn't have a choice besides to look. ''Oh my God,'' the blonde gasped.

''What is it?'' Jane asked, hating that she couldn't sit up as she turned to look at the screen that the other two women were looking.

''As you can see here,'' the doctor began calmly, ''you have two sacs. This and this,'' she explained as she moved the ultrasound probe inside Jane ever so slightly. Maura's mouth was agape. She already knew what the doctor was going to inform them. Jane however, was listening intently to the woman. ''And inside the one here…'' she indicated to said one, ''…there are _two _york sacs inside. This means,'' she quickly added, ''you have triplets''

''Oh my god,'' Jane echoed Maura's earlier sentiment, if you can call it that.

''These two are identical twins,'' she pointed the probe directly to the sac with two yorks inside, ''and that is a fraternal,'' she pointed to the other. And just as she finished saying that, they began to hear a heartbeat. ''And we have a heartbeat,'' she announced joyously.

Maura and Jane began to cry, unable to express themselves with words. It was such an overwhelming moment.

''Now…'' the doctor told them, ''we have a heartbeat for the twins, but we can't hear one for their fraternal sibling yet. But don't panic, this is common. We are lucky in fact to have a heartbeat for the twins. Because sometimes it takes a bit longer''

''Ok,'' Maura said, mildly appease. She was now very worried about their other baby. Was he or she going to be alright?

''Unfortunately, I'm going to have to refer you two to Boston's Maternal Fetal Medical Specialist. Because of your age, and…what happened the last time, as well as the triplets, yours is a high risk pregnancy and-''

''So I have to change to another OB?'' Jane almost whined, unsure why she was getting touched over getting a new doctor if it was for her own good and that of her babies.

''They are specialists and you will be in better hands.'' Maura and Jane didn't say anything, as they looked back to the screen. ''Shall I print the sonogram for you''

''Yes,'' they both said, smiling at each other as the doctor did just that. Afterwards Jane got dressed and her and Maura headed to Doctor Whitaker's office. She printed out what felt like a thousand pages of paperwork for Maura and Jane to fill out. They got in touch with the specialist surgery where they were now being referred to, and made an appointment for four days later.

''Remember to take easy Jane. Get as much rest as you can alright,'' the doctor advised knowingly.

* * *

Jane ran her hands through her hair as Maura lightly rubbed over Jane's stomach. ''I can't believe there is going to be three babies in there,'' Jane muttered.

''I can't believe it too.'' Maura was a bit dazed, continuously rubbing a haphazard pattern over Jane's belly.

''Do you think she'll be ok, the other one,'' the brunette finally voiced her fears; placing her hand overs Maura's to attracted her wife's attention.

''I think so''

''How do you know?''

''How do _you _know it's a girl?'' Maura countered.

''It's a gut thing. Didn't I tell you already when we got here that I know it's going to be a girl''

''Well _my_ gut tells me that _she or he _is going to be fine,'' the blonde smiled, even as tears ran down her cheeks. Jane could tell they were happy tears though.

''Maybe they will all be girls''

''Or all boys. Or a mix''

''Do you _not _want girls?'' Jane asked curiously as she relaxed into the passenger seat. Clearly they were not driving off just yet.

''I don't know,'' she sighed, resting her head against Jane's shoulder, who quickly wrapped an arm around her to accommodate Maura. ''I suppose I have been preoccupied with hoping you actually _are _pregnant and that if you are the baby is alright, so i just haven't put much thought into choosing which sex I prefer.''

''What about last time. You never really did tell me what you wanted. You kept saying you want a baby and will be happy with either sex. And that when we try for another one then you can choose. Which was cheating by the way, because if we had a girl then next time you would say you want a boy''

Maura laughed, lightly smacking Jane's thigh.

''Seriously though, why don't you just wanna say what you want?''

''Because I don't have that luxury Jane. I can't have babies. So choosing what sex is just silly. Just _having _a child is more than enough, it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl.''

And finally Jane understood, and suddenly felt shitty for pushing the topic. ''I'm sorry love''

''It's alright. But since you asked…'' Maura tried to sound cheery, she didn't want to cause Jane any unnecessary upset, ''…I would like two boys and a girl''

Jane actually laughed out loud. ''No way!'' She pulled away from the blonde so she could look at her properly. ''You actually want two boys and a girl? Wow''

''What's so surprising about that?'' Maura wondered.

''Well I guess for some weird reason I thought you'd want three girls''

''Whatever on earth would make you think that? And don't you dare even say 'because you're girly'''

''Ahhhh, you've taken away my defence now''

Maura laughed as she playfully smacked Jane again on her thigh.

''Bring your abusive self over here,'' Jane motioned. ''I love you,'' she told Maura before kissing her very tenderly on the lips. ''I love you _so _much''

''I love you too''

''And no matter what happens, we have each other and we are going to be just fine.'' Jane kissed her again; pouring as much love into the kiss as she could. When they pulled apart, they rested their foreheads against each other – Maura was now sitting sideways with one leg under the other facing Jane.

''I can't imagine how we are going to do this,'' she looked at Jane's stomach.

''I would have loved three children yes, but not in one go. Maybe I just wanted a child so much, and you wanted one badly as well, and everyone else wanted us to have one too. So then we were gifted with three. I guess I should send out a triple thanks to God''

''If only Amanda was still around. I would have just gone over to her a given her a big hug for her help,'' Maura wished. ''she would have been so pleased with herself, I can only imagine''

''Definitely,'' agreed Jane, knowing that Amanda would be as happy as if she alone was responsible for the success – as if the sperm, the egg, and the womb all belonged to her. She was funny like that.

''You still haven't heard anything from her have you?''

''Nope. I hope things are going well with the funeral. It must be hard. I remember what a busy time it was when my grandmother died.''

''She'll be in touch when she can I suppose''

''So….do we share the news?'' Jane changed topics after a moment.

''Perhaps it's best to wait till our Friday appointment''

''I'm so excited and terrified at the same time Maura,'' Jane all of a sudden changed moods. ''am I going to manage to carry three whole bodies inside me? And we are going to need a bigger car to fit three car seats. Oh, and a bigger place at some point for all of them to have a bedroom each. Do you understand Maura, we are going to have to buy three of _everything,'' _Jane began getting slightly hysterical as reality hit her.

''It's going to be trying, at best. But we are going to have to be calm about everything Jane. We have time. We can start all this preparation now so that when they babies come we just focus on them and nothing else''

''Not that we can focus on anything else,'' Jane almost snorted. ''Two people, three babies. We are never going to go back to work are we?'' the detective slumped into the seat.

''I hadn't thought that far,'' Maura rubbed her hands nervously.

''You are in a better position. They said to slow down, and after the appointment on Friday only God knows. They might tell me to just rest at home and stop working all together''

''Don't think so negative Jane. In any case, it's not like you are going to sit at home bored all day. We'll have to start buying all the baby stuff now. Think of all the assembling we will have to do. And we'll have to do the nursery.''

''Yeah, but-''

''All that needs to be done now,'' Maura cut in. ''With multiples we run the risk of preterm birth Jane,'' she said tenderly. ''So we have to get ready as early as we can. Not to mention the fact that we have to do it while you are still physically able to do it''

Jane sighed putting her hands under her shirt over her stomach; it was all too overwhelming. Maura mirrored her, placing her own hands on the gap to the side and on the middle.

''Our babies,'' they said after a silent moment of reflection.

* * *

**AN: To the guest who went on about how she would hate her baby if it came out black and how it would cause her depression and what not because she didn't pay for a black diamond but for a white one...I sincerely hope you have stopped reading as she said you would, because all that didn't sound very nice. I understand that if you are white you would more than likely want a baby that looks like you. Perhaps choosing different words to voice this sentiment is better.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Triplet pregnancies average 33 weeks_

_Babies born before their time may not be completely ready for the outside world. Their lungs, brain, and other organs may not be fully developed, their immune system may not be ready to fight off infections, and they may not be able to suck or swallow._

_Twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome is a rare but serious complication that occurs in identical twins when blood flows from one baby to the other through their shared placenta_

_Bed rest can mean anything from curtailing your activities to literally not getting out of bed for any reason. Even if your pregnancy is going smoothly, most doctors and midwives advice taking it easy beginning early in the third trimester._

_If you're carrying triplets, there's a 40 percent chance that one or more will miscarry in the first half of pregnancy._

Jane had never read so much in her entire life – never! While Maura was naturally well educated in most matters pertaining to the human body, Jane had to actively get up to speed. Their visit to the specialist two weeks ago had been nothing but a terror attack to Jane. The brunette, without coercion, put herself immediately on maternity leave. A little inconveniencing to the homicide department it had been, but everyone was very understanding and supportive. Her new OB and the whole team were lovely and lucky for Jane there had been no immediate abnormalities. They had told Jane she was safe to work on desk duty for at least the next few months if everything carried on the way it was, but Jane was not taking any chances. Maura, as sound minded as she always was, had seconded Jane in light speed. In fact, she had wanted to suggest it herself, but was terrified that Jane would think it was a way of saying she was inadequate and could potentially put their baby…babies in danger again.

Speaking of _babies…_

''Now _this _is a car you are fit to drive my darling,'' Maura flirted as she watched Jane giving herself a proper tour of the vehicle.

''Well it's pretty hot,'' blushed the brunette.

''No, _it's _pretty, but _you're _hot''

''You're feeling really funny today aren't you?'' Jane said as she swaggered over to Maura, pulling her in by the waist. ''My gorgeous wife,'' she mused, before planting a quick one on Maura. It didn't turn out quick, because Maura opened up her mouth for Jane who gladly sucked on her tongue. ''What'd you say we take this inside?''

''With pleasure….oh wait. Let me get my purse'' Maura picked up her bag then looked back at the vehicle. They had just purchased a brand new Volvo XC90, but that really wasn't the source of her astonishment. ''It's starting to make me really nervous,'' she gently admitted. ''It seems so overwhelming.''

''You mean 'it's a lot?''' Jane smiled, understanding her wife's sentiment exactly.

''Yes.''

They both looked at the car quietly. Three car seats and been securely fitted into the back seats – one next to the other.

THREE!

Looking at it, it genuinely looked frightening. They would be carrying around three little people.

''Imagine this right,'' Jane laughed before even finishing off. ''We come from…I don't know, a doctor's appointment or something. So what, one of us would have to carry one baby inside and unlock the door, while the other one stays here with the other two? Then you'd have to leave the other one alone for a short while in the house while you come back to get the other one. Then we'd all go inside. Will we have to do that each time? Like me going off with one while you stay with the other two?''

''Perhaps we'll need a maid''

Jane sighed. ''Ma will be all over this. And you and me, and Constance when she's around. The guys as well, and then a maid? It seems like a lot. Like a full house. A _very _full house if you know what I mean''

''I know what you mean. But we'll have a bigger place, and think about the cooking and the laundry and the cleaning. We can't do it all, logically. Instead of getting a babysitter I'd rather we focus on the children and get a maid.''

The sexual energy from earlier on dissipated that instant as anxiety settled.

''One day at a time like you always say right,'' Jane eventually smiled.

After going up to their bedroom and freshening up, things ended up taking longer than they imagined – in a good way. The stress of the babies and slowed down their sex drive tremendously, but it was almost impossible - especially for Maura – to look at a naked Jane, whose small baby bump was already starting to show, and not feel immediate arousal. So with no rush they had made love, reminding each other why they were made for one another all over again.

* * *

Growing three babies inside her, it was no wonder Jane had started biting her nails again – an old bad habit that had quickly resurfaced. Jane was now 11 weeks pregnant, and anyone who paid attention could easily decipher this.

''You are going to drive yourself mad if you don't stop that,'' Maura admonished as she handed Jane an ice cream. Yes, those cravings were starting already. Anything cold was Jane's best friend. The brunette was especially partial to orange flavoured ice-cream, popsicles, milkshakes, and basically anything that could be eaten straight from the fridge (preferably from the deep freezer). ''Pregnancy develops so differently from each individual, it's highly improbably that any one of those pictures will be an accurate representation of what your stomach is going to look like.''

''It's going to be pointy like this,'' Jane pointed to an image on the screen then enlarged it so they could see clearly, completely ignoring the sense Maura was making. She had been online since she got up, googling pictures of pregnant woman carrying triplets. ''and later on it going to hang low like that,'' she clicked on another image illustrating the latter assessment. ''You know what really sucks?''

''What?'' Maura indulged her. She didn't have a choice did she? Her wife was becoming more irrational by the day, she wondered how they would make it past the next months.

''I'm not even going to gain that much weight. I'll be all slim like I am now, with this humongous protruding belly that looks like it's about to fall off me. What if it's too heavy for me to walk?''

''I imagine it will be Jane,'' Maura smiled sympathetically. ''It will hurt your back and your legs, I suppose that's why the doctor said you will most likely be on bed rest in the very later stages of the pregnancy.''

''Well that's motivating,'' she said sarcastically as she shut her laptop and began sucking on her ice-lolly. '' mmmmmmh,'' Jane moaned, savouring the flavour of the delicious goodness in her hand.

''Shall I leave you two alone?'' Joked Maura.

''Please do. And shut the door tightly behind you – things are gonna get pretty loud,'' Jane laughed as she moaned even louder.

''You're crazy you know that? We have to get ready anyway, Angela will be here shortly.''

Jane did the whole song and dance about how she didn't want to leave as they both got ready. It was April, and though the temperatures should have been getting much warmer, this particular year wasn't cooperating well. They stood in the windy fresh air outside as they waited for Angela who had said she was 2 minutes away. They were not using the new car yet, because Maura had said, ''I believe we will look a little too overzealous with car seats fitted in when you are only just beginning to show''. And Jane had taken the department's car back as she was now on a _very _long maternity leave. It would be at least a year until she could go back, if she was lucky. The new Prius they had purchased was to be picked up when they moved. It didn't make sense accumulating everything at the old house only so they could move it to the new place in three weeks. The house furniture they ordered online was due to be delivered there as well.

...

''_What if something happens again after we have been so forward and made all these arrangement?'' Jane asked in the quiet of the night the previous week on the day they signed off the papers to their house. _

''_Nothing is going to happen,'' stated the blonde. _

''_You don't know that''_

''_I don't. But I'm hoping nothing awful happens. And IF it does, this isn't all for nothing. We will adopt''_

''_Yes we agreed on that. But will we adopt three children at once''_

''_I suppose we could. Our minds are all geared up to have triplets Jane. Obviously I haven't looked into the details of what the process of adopting triplets will be like, and of course the likelihood of it, but we will sort it out. Let's not worry about that now. We have our babies here ok,'' she finished off by kissing Jane and kissing her stomach as well._

_..._

''Oh look at you two,'' Angela offered as a greeting when she pulled up to their driveway.

''What Ma?'' snapped Jane. It was the pregnancy. Jane had convinced herself that it didn't like Angela. Ever since her first appointment with the specialist when they had finally heard the heartbeat of their third child, Jane had started feeling this overwhelming dislike for her mother. It was strange, because she didn't dislike Angela in her absence, nor did she even actively think of things she didn't like about her mother. It just happened when she actually saw her. Jane would just feel that she couldn't stand her and would just want to go away. It was something she couldn't even explain to anyone – it was that bizarre. They had been very busy of late, but Maura had promised to do extensive research to try and figure out what was happening. Because at first Maura had reprimanded Jane about her behaviour but had later realized that that particular behaviour was also baffling her wife.

''You just look all…glowy…and happy. It's so wonderful,'' she gushed.

''Really Ma! Glowy?''

Maura lightly shoved Jane as a way to curb her behaviour as they jumped into the car.

''I've been a bit concerned you know,'' Angela started as they drove off. ''You are moving to Newton, which is about twenty to thirty minutes from your work place. Won't it be too much driving? I am, couldn't you have stayed right here in Boston. You know, closer to work?''

''In case you haven't noticed Ma, we aren't going to work,'' Jane retorted.

''Yet!''

''I understand what you mean,'' the daughter in law intervened. ''We initially thought we'd move to Beacon Hill. I lived there for years, it's closer to work and an environment we are already used to.''

''So what changed your minds?''

''Well, we've been living in the West End since I returned to Boston, and I don't know,'' Maura sighed, ''it just doesn't quite have the feeling we want.''

''What Maura means to say _is_,'' Jane laughed. ''the West End is too close to the city, it's too busy, and it doesn't have the schools that she deems appropriate for our children''

''I wouldn't use those words exactly, but I suppose that's another way of looking at it''

''Maura's already looked up schools for the kids starting from pre-k to high school''

They all laughed. No one was quite as organised as Doctor Maura Isles. The blonde wanted a perfect house in a perfect location, somewhere they wouldn't have to ever move from.

They drove for about twenty minutes before arriving at their destination. They were taking Angela to see the place they had just purchased and would be moving into in three weeks. ''Wow,'' exhaled Angela when they arrived. ''this Newton thing makes sense I see. This place is gorgeous. My God, it must have cost you a fortune,'' she gasped as she walked out of the car. The place was magnificent. It was a newly built colonial three car garage - five bedroom house.

The tour took a while.

''This place is massive.'' The matriarch was still in shock. ''will you use all this space?''

''As a matter of fact we will.'' Maura sat with Angela on the bar stool. Jane was lying on the couch in the living room claiming to have a headache – the truth was that she couldn't stand her mother's constant gasps and awed remarks. ''We have a bedroom for each of the children, our bedroom plus one for the maid. Of course they will use one nursery until they are older, so the other two can be guest bedrooms in the meantime. It seems too large now I guess but once the children are older and running about it will make sense. They will need a play room and we need a study and a living room and a large dining area as well as a big kitchen and laundry room….'' Maura trailed off, once again feeling overwhelmed. She thought she had been over that, seems not. One cannot simply get used to suddenly expecting three children and moving houses and stopping work, all in a span of not more than three months.

''How's my Janie doing though?'' Angela's maternal concern surfaced. ''She seems so snappy and always defensive''

''I can't imagine what it's like for her to be honest,'' Maura paused looking in the direction of her wife. ''We argued a few days ago when we were ordering the baby furniture. She said I was being too 'extravagant' with baby things. That I needed to get something cheaper and not spend thousands on things that will be used for a short time then put away''

''Mm,'' Angela nodded. ''You have spent a lot on this house Maura. I'm guessing about two million or so. Cutting down on other things is sensible''

''Well that's what I was trying to get Jane to understand. The firm we are buying from is a bit costly, yes. But if the furniture is in good condition, which I know it will be, they buy back the things. And so we get a certain percentage back depending on the state of the furniture. It makes sense you see, because we won't need the cribs and changing tablets after that, so we give it back. And when it's returned we can do exchanges for toddler furniture and for when they get older.''

''When you put it _that _way''

''Jane eventually understood''

* * *

Turns out their dreams of assembling furniture went out the window. They ended up moving after four weeks, and having the delivery men assemble and arrange everything for them. Jane was fifteen weeks pregnant, and much larger than they expected – which they should have, given she was carrying three babies. One woman at the grocery store had thought she was about six months along, only to learn she was three months and three weeks pregnant. Morning sickness had kicked in and she was starting to feel tired most of the time.

''So now we can concretely pick out names,'' Maura mused as she rubbed Jane's feet. It was three days after they moved in and the ultra sound told them they were having two identical twin boys and the other child was a girl. There are no words that could have explained their joy.

''I thought it would be easier now that I know what we are having. Seems it's much harder.'' Jane was crossing off and rewriting the list of names in her note book.

''I hope you have crossed off Liam,'' Maura warned. Jane smiled wickedly, knowing that Maura knew she had only written that name to get a rise out of her wife.

''You know when you went out with Frankie this afternoon, I really felt like having an egg''

''Oh darling, why didn't you tell me?''

''I wanted it _then _so I thought I'd fry one''

''But…?'' Maura waited.

''Everything in here is so clean and so new. I didn't have it in me to splatter oil everywhere''

Maura let out a hearty laugh. ''My Jane Rizzoli. Afraid of making a mess? You should stay pregnant a bit longer.'' They both laughed, before Jane sobered up.

''When did you say we start to interview the maids?''

''Monday. We are meeting Patricia first''

''Is it the young looking black lady or is it the red head from Vermont?''

''It's 'the young looking black lady' as you put it,'' Maura shook her head at Jane. ''Actually, Patricia is originally from Kenya. I do hope she is what we are looking for, because it will be so wonderful to learn about another culture and wouldn't it be great to taste traditional African meals?''

''You _do _know that-''

''I know what you are going to say. But unlike you, I have thoroughly read Patricia's file. She moved to this country when she was fifteen. She's thirty now by the way - not too young. She is very much in touch with her roots. She visits her home country every so often, and all her family is there. So she _does _know about the culture and how to cook their traditional foods.''

''You are so weird. How do you read my mind like that''

''Oh my dear, I am well read in the subject of Jane Rizzoli''

* * *

**For those who like visuals like I do**

**A link of the picture of the house I imagine them to be living in. **

**Property/newton-properties-fabulous-new-construction-home/QNXB**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: ****Happy times will come I can assure you. Thanks for the kind words as well.**

Chapter 4

Today officially marked Jane's third trimester. She was 27 weeks pregnant, tallying up her seventh month. To say things had been hectic in the past weeks would be putting it mildly. Maura, bless her, had been a trooper. It obviously didn't help matters that Jane was in the midst of a summer pregnancy. If they didn't have other more pressing issues to consider they might have contemplated timing the pregnancy a bit differently. But who after having lost a child would care that they would be pregnant during the summer season the second time around?

...

''Its freezing in here,'' Angela pointed out the obvious as she made her way through to the kitchen. ''It's nearing 85 degrees outside and you have a sweater on Maura, is everything alright?'' the bags in hand were set on the kitchen counters as Angela straight away got to business.

''Jane was hot,'' Maura sighed, not having enough strength to offer more. Clearly she was exhausted.

''Oh sweetheart. What's happening?'' The Rizzoli matriarch quickly abandoned her work in favour of comforting her daughter in law.

Once settled in the warm arms of Angela, Maura broke down in tears. She used the end of her sweater to wipe at her eyes as Angela cradled her gently, not pressuring her to begin talking just yet.

''What's wrong?'' she eventually asked. She had spoken with Jane a little over two hours ago and knew that everything was alright with her health; she wasn't in labour or anything, so there was no need to panic.

''Jane and I had an argument and then everything just sort of went downhill from there,'' Maura said in one breath.

Angela was not notorious for being patient, but life was teaching her to practice the skill the hard way. ''What did you argue about?''

''She's been very emotional these past...two weeks I'd say. So sensitive and extremely on edge. One minute we are happy and laughing and the next she is silent and giving me attitude or crying or just trying to pick a fight with me for no reason''

''I can understand how stressful it must be for you,'' Angela smiled at her pitifully, knowing fully well how wonderful and horrendous a time it can be. ''I won't say I understand completely how _you_ feel, because I was on the other side of the equation,'' she laughed lightly. ''but I do know a lot about what Jane is going through. Being pregnant makes you feel all these things that you can't control and you just want to become how you were before but you can't. And at the same time you want to be pregnant and you want your child but you also want him or her to just get out already''

''But what can't I do to help?'' Maura asked helplessly. Angela was just confirming to her that there isn't anything anyone can do, but she was still very desperate for an answer. Any bit of information would do really.

''What were you arguing about?'' Angela inquired.

''It's silly really,'' Maura shook her head as she wiped her nose with so paper towel. ''I was on the phone with Patricia and Jane said I was making noise''

''You hardly speak that loud Maura''

''Well that's my point you see. She picks unnecessary fights with me. I walked out of the bedroom to come downstairs and Patricia was saying something that I laughed at and Jane just lost it. She said that she was getting fat and I was no longer interested in her and had my eye set out for Patricia''

Angela couldn't help herself, she laughed out loud at the mere absurdity of those words. ''She didn't?'' Angela laughed

''Those were her words exactly. She says that's why I was so quick to say Patricia was the right person for the job''

''Oh dear, my daughter is losing her mind''

''Angela!'' Maura almost stomped her foot. The poor blonde really needed advice. She was of course chuffed that Angela wouldn't even for a second entertain the thought that she would do such a thing, but that information didn't really help her on a practical level at that moment.

''Ok. How about we cancel our lunch with Patricia today and you and Jane can have some time to sort things out?'' Maura looked a bit sceptical. Would it really help, she wondered? ''I'll ring her and reschedule. And maybe you can take Jane out somewhere. Its been so hot and you guys have been really reluctant to do anything. Go outside, have some fresh air and dinner will be ready when you get back. Ok?''

''I guess going out _could _do us some good. I don't know if Jane will want to though. She says it's so hot outside and that August is officially her worst month of the year''

At least they both got a good laugh out of that.

Maura made a cup of tea for herself and Jane while Angela spoke with Patricia and rescheduled for the weekend.

As it turned out, Patricia was exactly what they were looking for. Jane and Maura went as far as interviewing Mary, just for the sake of comparison, but their mind was already made up. Patricia graduated in Nutrition and Diabetics from NYU's college of arts and science. As well as being diabetic herself, her mother was too. In the last three years she had set up a restaurant and small grocery shop in Kenya with all the food recommended for diabetics. Maura couldn't have been more thrilled to have someone around the house that was very conscious of eating practices (her wife needed another eye on her). In addition to this, Patricia had a daughter of her own – a child she bore at 18 who lived in Kenya with her parents. In a nutshell: she was perfect. She didn't mind that they were lesbians, she was educated and kind and old enough and experienced and just genuinely nice. It also didn't hurt that she was really pretty, and her job was set to begin as soon as the triplets were born.

She was due that afternoon so she could see around the place and they could explain her duties and wages in detail. They also needed to iron out a calender for her days off and holiday periods etc. In the evening all the guys were to come by for dinner and she would get to meet the rest of the family (including Korsak, Frost, and Nina). Their other close friend, Amanda; they had still not heard from. Frost had traced her phone up to the airport on the day she left. Unfortunately none of them had any contact details for her in Canada. So all they could do was wait, and hope she would return at some point.

''I made some tea,'' Maura said loudly before she even got to the bedroom. It was her way of warning Jane that she was approaching. How had their life come to this, Maura briefly thought.

''_Glory baby, you slipped away  
As fast as we could say baby, baby  
You were growing, what happened dear  
You disappeared on us baby, baby…''_

Maura immediately heard those lyrics waft into the quiet room. The day was certainly not going to get any better she knew – in a whole different way though.

''Jane,'' she whispered, but her wife quickly shushed her and beckoned for Maura to come and sit with her on the bed.

''…_Heaven will hold you before we do  
Heaven will keep you safe  
Until we're home with you  
Until we're home with you…''_

In front of Jane where she sat half cross legged where several photographs splayed haphazardly. When she lifted her face up to meet Maura's eyes, the blonde gasped at what she saw. Jane's face was practically swollen from crying.

So this is what she had been up to the whole time Maura was downstairs. The blonde suddenly wished she hadn't run away but instead stayed and argued with Jane for however long until they both got tired.

''…_We miss you everyday, miss you in every way  
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you  
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay  
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you  
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you  
You'll just have heaven before we do  
You'll just have heaven before we do  
Before we do…''_

They had played that song over and over again at their daughter's funeral. And listening to it was a sure way of messing up at least the next three days to come. Maura picked up a random picture. There staring at her, was Jane and herself leaning over the tiny coffin, weeping.

''…_Sweet little baby, it's hard to understand it  
'Cause we are hurting, we are hurting  
But there is healing, and we know we're stronger people  
Through the growing, and in knowing…''_

They listened to the song in silence, reminiscing about the tragic event in their life that they would never forget. Looking at the picture they took before closing that coffin – forever – Maura cried out loud as she settled her head on Jane's legs and let her wife gently run her hand through her hair.

''…_I can't imagine heaven's lullabies  
And what they must sound like  
But I will rest in knowing  
Heaven is your home  
And it's all you'll ever know  
All you'll ever know…''_

''We won't ever completely get over this will we?'' Maura asked, short of breath from the crying.

''No,'' Answered Jane a little more clearly. She'd had a head start with the crying and had calmed down now. ''I keep telling myself that we are blessed and lucky to be having three children now. But is it right really, that getting triplets is the price for losing our little girl?'' Not quite the right way to look at it, but Jane still did rationalise it that way.

''I don't know. I wanted her. And I want these three as well,'' Maura sniffed, sitting up so she could see Jane. They smiled a sad smile at each other knowing that had it been a different conversation Jane would have laughed and said 'you sure are greedy Doctor Isles'.

There was nothing to joke about in this instance.

''Would you like to go out somewhere?'' Maura asked as the song came to an end on Jane's phone.

''Patricia will be here shortly…and isn't everyone coming over later''

''We cancelled that,'' Maura replied flatly, feeling a tinge of anger from their earlier argument.

''I'm sorry Maura.''

''Its fine Jane,'' Maura dismissed.

''No it isn't.''

''It's over now. Let's just forget it''

''Maura,'' Jane took hold of her hands, stroking them tenderly. ''I've been so difficult and I know it. Most times I can't control it, but that shouldn't be an excuse. I've treated you very badly, and I'm so sorry baby. You have been so patient with me, and I never once said thank you.'' Maura smiled, knowing it was all true but not having the heart to confirm it to Jane. ''_thank you. _For your understanding and patience. What I said earlier about Patricia, that stupid of me. I can't take it back, and I know part of you will always be wondering if _I'm _wondering whether you are attracted to her or not. It's not like that, and I know it. I'm so sorry for even voicing such a thing. It was very disrespectful and I wish I could take it back''

''You can't take it back,'' Maura said earnestly. ''But Jane, you must know that there couldn't possibly be anyone in the world I could ever want to be with other than you. Do you _know _what sort of, to use your words, shit we have been through?'' Jane was too surprised by the curse word to answer. ''We go back years ago my love. To Hoyt, to shooting yourself, your family drama plus my family drama, work, and then Paddy. If there was a time I was going to be with someone else, it would have been when I left for Paris. Which coincidentally was when _you _were with someone else.'' Maura didn't mean that as a jibe, and Jane knew that. They had been through that conversation already – the Jane being with Jason thing. ''When I heard you were in hospital, I took the first plane out to see you. And in that moment I knew I wouldn't be leaving you again. Because if after one year I could instantly drop _everything _just to make sure you were alright with my eyes, surely it meant that you mean the world to me''

If Jane didn't have pregnancy brains she would have whipped up something nice to say back, but all she could do was use her actions to kiss Maura. Which suited the blonde just fine.

''Now, if you feel inclined to make it up to me I have just the thing''

''Anything,'' Jane said eagerly.

''Come out with me. I feel like going to the park and just sitting on a bench in the sun for a while.''

''I could do that, yes''

''And we could get some ice-cream and I'll read a book''

''Now we're talking,'' Jane started getting up, liking the idea already.

Maura gathered up the pictures on the bed as Jane freshened up. It was going to take a while obviously. Jane was, to put it bluntly, huge. **You'll just have heaven before we do**, Maura trailed her finger over the words on the cover of the program booklet to their baby's funeral. Closing her eyes she inhaled deeply and sent a quick prayer to whoever could hear her that her three babies would be alright.

And so they set off to the park. If they had known it was the last day they would be seeing the park in at least half a year, they would have stayed much longer.

* * *

**AN: That song is Glory Baby by Watermark. I happened upon it on youtube. Honestly, its so sad those parents who lose their children who are still born, or born too soon, or those that survive a few minutes or hours after birth. *sigh* **


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: If I've butchered some medical stuff here, forgive me. Tried my best to research but hey… And also, I hope this doesn't cause arguments over race etc. **

**Next chapter will probably come sooner, 2-3 days I'm hoping.**

* * *

The room was abuzz with noise and activity. Jane's medicated state left her feeling the least overwhelmed of the pair. Words – sentences, instructions, phrases – kept swimming in Maura's mind but none could take a stronger hold over the words ''All three of them are okay''. That's all Maura had ever wanted to hear. This was another obstacle they had overcome. Ironically, Jane is the one who was now left with the duty of comforting her tearful wife.

''They're okay,'' Jane reiterated.

Yes, they were okay.

The blonde kissed her wife as she let the words comfort her, still unable to completely block the words of the health care professionals in the room. There must have been about two dozen of them in there. But behind the blue hospital covering placed just above Jane's breasts, it was just the two of them – and of course the cries of their new born babies.

''That's Mia**. **She's the loudest of the three,'' one of the doctors said to the parents, laughing.

It felt like sunshine after winter, hearing such joyful words.

''_The boys came first,'' someone said. ''baby A, 2 pounds 15 ounces''_

_And he had been lifted off to the first baby station to_ the_ left of the room, where about four_ _nurses__ congregated around him. _

''_B__aby B is exactly 3 pounds,'' another said to the room, as said boy was carried to the next baby station where the women there began working on him. _

''_And our biggest is the girl,'' the doctor announced. ''3 pounds 7 ounces.'' He held her in his arms cutting off the umbilical cord. ''You took up the most space didn't you,'' he cooed to the baby. _

Identification tags were put on the babies. The two boys had been delivered at the same time, and the girl came a minute later. Because of their slightly premature birth, all three kids needed help breathing.

Maura tried hard dividing her attention between the babies who were being cleaning and having tubes attached to them, and her wife who was looking to her for confirmation that all was fine.

After being made ready the children were each put in an incubator ready to go to the neo-natal intensive care unit for further exams. Neither Jane nor Maura had held them yet, for they needed to be seen to promptly.

While the doctor delivered Jane's placenta and stitched up her C-section wound, the nurses wheeled the babies past Jane and Maura so they could see them before being taken for tests.

And _that's _where things started to go a little bit complicated.

The triplets were undeniably mixed race. All three of them had a head full of curly brown hair and to make matters more questionable, their skin had taken on a shade of light brown that immediately made it noticeable for a new born to look 'not completely white'.

If there was any shock in the room, it was from Jane and Maura who knew without doubt that they had chosen a donor resembling Maura in as many ways as possible. Jane and Maura could have picked a black donor for all the medical staff knew, _that _aspect of everything was none of their business.

The couple watched in shocked silence as their three bundles of joy where quickly wheeled to the NICU. ''Mommy, you can join the babies if you like. Once their vitals are stabilised you'll be able to hold them. And you can take one member of the family with you if it would help,'' the doctor added that last bit knowing Maura would need an extra set of hands since it was three babies and not just one.

The blonde was torn between going to see the babies and staying with her wife while they finished up with her. It felt a little unfair, being able to hold the babies first while Jane waited for the anaesthesia to wear off.

''Go,'' Jane smiled; feeling sad to not be able to join but also wanting Maura to go and be with them.

''I won't be able to hold them now anyway,'' Maura wiped at her tears of joy. ''I'll wait with you and we can go and see them together.'' The blonde had decided.

''You're just afraid to go in there with Ma aren't you?'' Jane joked, ever the one to try and lighten up the mood.

* * *

It was about half an hour when the doctors were done with Jane in the operating room. She and Maura were sent to the recovery room where they waited for the medication and nausea to pass. After the birth Maura had snuck in 2 minutes to ring everyone else and share the good news.

The whole crew was 'patiently' waiting to be able to see them.

''Hello mommies,'' a very cheerful nurse greeted. ''Are you ready to see your gorgeous babies''

''Yes,'' they both sighed in relief.

Jane was put in a wheelchair as the nurse guided the two onto the next floor in the hospital where their babies were. Theodoreand Miawhere in the 'green' area of the NICU. Both kids were fine but were put on assisted breathing just until their lungs were stronger. Benjamin**, **who came first at 2 pounds 15 ounces, had low blood sugars and much weaker lungs. He needed a more careful eye on him so he was put in the 'orange' area for children with more complications. The 'green' area was just a stop over for Theoand Mia until theygot stronger.

They went to see Bennyfirst. Having money had its perks. The unit had rooms with enough privacy to feel as if you were alone but also open enough to see the nurses' station and half orange walls blocking other babies from view. ''Now, he is going to be alright, we are keeping a very close eye on him.'' The nurse had hastened to say when she heard the twin gasps from the parents. ''The sling around his eyes is to block the light, and these tubes are for food and fluids, and this for breathing,'' she pointed to said tubes. Benjaminwas in a closed incubator, with two round openings on the side so that someone could put their hands through to touch him. ''You could just gently touch him; stimulation for the skin is beneficial. When you're ready I'll take you to the other two''

''How long until we can hold him?'' Jane whispered.

''Depending on how things go. Once his vitals are more stable you could hold him. Right now he needs the heat generated area of his incubator.'' The nurse placed a comforting hand on Jane as she went to the nearby nurses' station to wait until they were ready to see the other two.

''Hey Benny**.** Its mommy,'' Maura said as she lightly trailed her finger along his stomach. ''you're such a handsome boy.'' She tugged carefully on the protector above his eyes just so they could see him open them for a second if he managed.

Jane, struggling with a lot of pain, put her hand through the hole. She caressed his hair softly, before kissing her two fingers and placing them on his cheek. ''He _is _handsome isn't he?'' she directed the question to her wife.

They were not yet ready to discuss why their babies were mixed race. What was important was that they were there and they were alright.

The two spent the next ten minutes talking to him, but mostly just watching him. His eyes had opened very briefly. They were light brown, much much lighter than Jane's. They then decided it was time to meet the other two.

''Before we go to the next unit,'' the nurse said, pushing Jane through a door on the other side of the room as Maura followed. ''this your room Mom,'' the nurse told Maura. It was like a tiny apartment. Double bed, bathroom, and a little kitchenette. ''It's good for you to speak to the baby often, as well as touch him. This way you will be closer and comfortable, and you can easily pop into the next unit for the others.''

''Thank you,'' Maura murmured. Her brain was still trying to remember all the readings from Benjamin'smonitors.

''You'll be around for a couple of weeks at least,'' she smiled reassuringly at the pair.

* * *

The 'green' unit was a much joyful area. It only had small green walls between cubicles so it was easier to see other babies and parents as well. It was much noisier and more comforting hearing the cries of babies and joyful gasps of parents.

''Mommies, meet Theodore and Mia**''** announced the nurse. You could easily tell their two were the new ones in the area. Other parents had had the opportunity to personalise their cubicles. There were teddies, colourful blankets, and their children were now in their own clothes not naked with a diaper like their two. On the sides of incubators or walls were stickers with baby names and so forth. Maura immediately felt a little guilty, but then again, Rome was not built in one day.

''Oh my God Maura look at them,'' Jane cooed. Theo and Miawere sharing a cubicle, both in open top incubators. Maura could have sworn she felt her hands twitch with the _need _to hold them. Miahad been laid on her stomach and was moving her hands and legs. As was Theo, except he lay on his back.

''I suppose here is an advantage to having more than one child at once, we each get to hold one at the same time''

''That's right mom,'' the nurse smiled. _Did she genuinely not know their names or did she just call everyone mom? _ ''You'll need to put this over your stomach,'' she instructed Jane. ''That way holding the baby won't press on your wound.'' Jane made herself as comfortable as she could, while Maura walked to one incubator to pick up her son. ''So you'll have the girlthen'' the nurse said needlessly as she carefully picked up the child to hand her over to Jane. ''If you pull your gown down a bit you could lay her on your chest''

''I'll just look at her a bit first,'' Jane sort of whispered as she held her little girl for the first time. She was just gorgeous. They say a parent will always think their child is beautiful, but Mia**, **she was absolutely breath-taking.

Maura sat on the chair diagonal from Jane with Theoin her arms. Like Jane, she too just wanted to look at him first. ''wow,'' she breathed ''they look alike'' She was referring to the identical boys, who were indeed identical. It was a tad overwhelming, trying to see your daughter and trying to see your son at the same time, yet also wondering and worrying about how the other one is doing and feeling so horrible that you can't hold him and he can't be with the whole family as well, but also feeling so over joyed to hold the baby that you have in your hand. The emotions ran through them in all sorts of directions.

''They're so quiet,'' Jane said, subconsciously looking around to the noise of other wailing infants.

''I wonder where they get _that _from,'' Maura answered before thinking.

The pink elephant!

How long did they honestly think they would go without mentioning it?

''What happened Maura?'' Jane asked fearfully, with so much hope that her wife would have some sciency explanation that would contradict the very obvious.

Maura sighed, not wanting to face the truth. Things had been going well. They finally had their little babies. Why was life throwing another complication towards them? Had they not had enough already?

''They are clearly biracial, and definitely have your features. So I would say, their donor sperm was of an African American man''

''But we didn't…''

''I know Jane. We're going to have to contact the sperm bank and find out if they know what happened.''

There was no reason to think Amanda had anything to do with this. Maura herself hand picked up the sperm and all their friend had done was inseminate.

The new parents spent about half an hour with their babies before Jane had to go back and rest. The brunette was thoroughly spent but she'd never admit it. They kissed them and were then on their way back to Jane's room. She was deemed fine and was being moved to a regular hospital room where friends and family could visit.

* * *

''Once they can breathe on their own they will be brought up to Jane and taken out of NICU,'' Maura explained to Angela as they went over to see the babies. ''Theowill probably stay a bit longer since he is the weakest of three.''

''They'll be fine,'' Angela said firmly.

''They will be,'' Maura echoed. There was no room for negativity.

Angela, Frankie, Tommy, Korsak, Frost, Nina, and Patricia had all shown up. Loud and excited as usual. The ward manager had almost not let them all in, because, they were too many to be able to see a patient at once. But the crew had pulled a few strings and the patient herself had insisted on having everyone in. It was of course easier to let slip, since the brunette was in a private room.

The others wouldn't be able to see the children until they were brought over to Jane's room, but Maura was definitely permitted to take Angela over to see them.

...

''There is a slight…issue,'' Maura averted her gaze as she spoke to Angela. The two were on a sofa in the waiting area of the NICU were Maura had made a pit stop before entering with her mother-in-law.

''What issue Maura? Is everything alright?''

''Yes, I suppose.'' The task had been left to Maura to explain while Jane saw everyone else. They wouldn't have to tell the whole lot just yet, but Angela was the exception, since she was on her way to see the kids for herself.

''Maura, just say whatever it is that is wrong,'' Angela gently pushed.

''There must have been a mix up with the sperm bank,'' she let out hurriedly.

''What kind of…mix up?'' asked the matriarch warily.

''The children, they are…biracial''

Angela was silent, not having a single word available to speak.

_Are you sure? She wanted to ask. _Of course Maura was sure.

''Have you contacted them?'' was what she managed.

''Not yet. There is still a lot that needs to be taken care of here and… I suppose it wasn't a priority.''

''Yes, you're right,'' Angela agreed. ''We'll figure out what happened later. It's ok Maura,'' Angela consoled. The poor woman was already in tears. They were purely tears of exhaustion. The blonde had had to be strong for Jane, for the babies, and for herself as well. She'd had to be the mediator between the family and friends and the doctors. It was all so overwhelming and she was due for a good cry. At least someone else was finally there to lighten the load for her. She'd held it all in for very long, knowing there was no way on earth she could have broken down in front of her wife – who needed her the most at this time. Her wife, who'd carried three bodies inside of her for 33 whole weeks. Her wife, who's mid-section had been sliced open to take out their bundles of joy. Her wife, who had been medicated and tested and observed and screened and medicated again.

No.

She had had to be strong. But now her 'mother' was here and she could finally unload. She could finally share how terrified she'd been, and also how happy she was.

After a while Maura had gathered herself and eventually led Angela to see her grand-babies.

* * *

The babies had been born at 33 weeks and five days. It was around 4 am that morning when Jane had shot up from bed with tremendous pain. Her caesarean section was booked for a week from today, but the babies obviously had other plans. It hadn't taken Maura more than two minutes to call an ambulance, which arrived shortly. None of them had considered carrying their packed bags with them, so Jane was grateful when Patricia handed her a bag with the baby things and another with her and Maura's belongings. Inside was a card TJ had carefully written for his cousins

**''Welcome Benjamin Rizzoli Isles. Welcome Theodore Rizzoli Isles. Welcome Mia Amor Rizzoli Isles. I can't wait to meet** **you'' **

Everyone was touched by the sweet gesture.

When Angela and Maura re-joined the gang, she made no mention of the 'issue' with the children. Everyone was happy to hear all that the woman had to share. Jane was surprised when they told her that the children had been crying loudly this time around, she couldn't wait to get back to her babies.

It was two days later when Theo and Miawhere brought up to Jane, and where able to meet the rest of the family. It was two days later that everyone stared at Jane and Maura with suspicion. Two days until the pair was rested enough to find out what happened. Two days later until the truth slowly started to make itself known.

* * *

**AN: Sooooo...thoughts?**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Thanks again you guys, for the support and kind words. **

* * *

''Thank you Jane. You did so well, and you were very brave,'' Maura said out of nowhere. They had just been relaxing and enjoying the peace and quiet of the morning.

''What do you have to thank me for Maura?''

''For making my dreams come true. I have the best wife and the most beautiful children.''

''Well in that case,'' Jane smiled. ''Thank you too. Because I _also _have the best wife and the most beautiful children.'' Jane curiously watched Maura remove imaginary lint from the baby blanket in her hand. Jane knew exactly what she was thinking. ''You know, in your mind you probably think that you didn't do much or that I could still have all this without you'' And Maura was about to say yes when Jane quickly continued. It was all too easy to forget how very insecure the blonde was at times. ''Having kids was never really on my 'to do' list Maura. It's something you know very well I never actively thought of. If I didn't have you I wouldn't have been interested. You made the idea of a family attractive to me Maura. And you _gave _me that family. I might have carried the babies, but sweetheart, I wouldn't have done it without you.'' She motioned for Maura to sit on the hospital bed with her.

''Going through with that wedding with Jason, in the back of my mind I knew we'd have children at some point, but to me it was just something people did when they got married. It's not something I really _wanted. _My career was more important to me than starting a family. And as awful as that might sound, it's the simple truth. But then you came into my life...back into my life, and I'm happily married and have three children already. God knows when I'll ever go back to work but guess what, that's not a priority to me anymore. You are what matters. Theo, Benny, and Mia are what matter. So don't go around thinking you didn't do anything for this family,'' she playfully poked her in the ribs. ''_YOU _made it happen''

''How do you always know what I want to hear?''

''Because _you _always know what _I _want to hear,'' she smiled coyly.

''Thank you though, Jane. For doing this for our family. For sacrificing your body and your career for us.''

''Well you probably got the rough end of the stick,'' Jane laughed. ''My sour mood, horrid habits, temper tantrums, nausea, cravings and so much more''

''It was definitely worth it. And I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.''

''We aren't having any more kids Maura,'' Jane said sternly. At least _trying _to be stern. ''Ahhhhh, yeah. We have three,'' she lifted her fingers to illustrate. ''that's enough''

Maura laughed. ''You should see how mortified you look. Yes darling, three is definitely enough for us''

* * *

'_When I feel blue in the night  
And I need you to hold me tight  
Whenever I want you  
All I have to do is dream''_

Maura softly sang to little Benjamin. He was awake and wriggling about a tiny bit. One of the nurses had put a cover over his incubator to block the light so they had removed the cover over his eyes. Maura just looked at him, running her fingers all over his body.

''_I need you so that I could die  
I love you so and that is why  
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is  
Dream, dream, dream, dream, dream''_

That's the song she had picked for him. And that's the one she'd always sing to him whenever she came to see him.

* * *

When Jane started to wake up after a late morning nap Maura was speaking with the lactation consultant. She had pumped two bottles of milk that they would feed Ben through the tube because he wasn't able to suck yet.

''I must say, you are doing very well Maura,'' the woman praised. ''Some women don't get to produce quite as much''

''I started pumping early. With our three little ones, I knew Jane would need help. In any case, I _wanted _to breastfeed as well''

''It's good that you can help each other like that. How are these two doing?'' she said looking at Theo and Mia sleeping in their beds beside Jane.

''They are doing wonderfully. Both of them can latch on well now, Jane and I started breast feeding them yesterday. It hurts Jane the most though''

''Understandably. You started pumping about a month ago to get more milk out, Jane only started having her breasts sucked yesterday''

Said woman cleared her throat. ''Are you talking about sucking my breasts in front of my wife?'' Jane said to the woman through her sleep filled voice.

They all laughed.

''Detective, it's nice to know that motherhood hasn't taken away your sarcasm''

''It'll take much more than that to wipe it out completely. How are u?'' she greeted. Jane had initially been put off by the breastfeeding specialist. In her defense, she was pregnant and moody had hated everyone. When Maura approached her about her behaviour, Jane said she the woman was invading on their privacy a lot and concentrating on Maura's breasts too much. _''What else is she supposed to concentrate on Jane. She is a LACTATION CONSULTANT. My breasts are the whole reason she's here to begin with,'' Maura had yelled during their argument. _It all boiled down to the fact that Jane's pregnancy made her so insecure about Maura being attracted to other people, Jane couldn't even believe it. They had quickly patched things up though, and the woman had slowly become something of a friend to them.

* * *

Later that afternoon...

''I uhhh…we have some explaining to do,'' Jane said scratching her hair. Their plan had now been thrown off balance so she didn't quite know how to begin. ''The thing is…as you can see,'' she gestured to the babies. ''We had a uhhhh'' The words were slipping out of her grasp. Maura was supposed to be here to help explain the situation to everyone else, but then Benjamin had to have some tests done and he was crying – she had to go and be with him.

''Jane,'' Korsak stepped forward. ''You don't have to make a big deal of this.''

_They were misunderstanding her conflict. _

''Maura and I didn't tell you something, because at the time it was obviously personal and…none of your business''

_And this is where they imagined Jane would say her and Maura picked an African American donor for reasons A, B, and C._

_WRONG!_

''You don't have to explain yourselves to us,'' Frankie said in his all understanding little brother tone. Jane was touched; he was a very sweet guy.

''And now you probably feel pressured to explain because we're all here,'' Nina added, feeling a little bit guilty that maybe they were crowding Jane.

''Besides Jane, it adds a bit of balance in here,'' Frost said, looking around the room dramatically. He pointed at Frankie, Tommy, Jane and Korsak. Then he pointed at Nina, Patricia and himself. ''These two plus Benny are our little blend,'' he gestured to the babies.

The room erupted in laughter. He was a funny man Frost, and they all loved him for it.

''But seriously guys, I haven't actually got to what I have to tell you,'' Jane sobered up. The atmosphere in the room immediately changed. ''I asked you all to come cause I wanted to have to explain this once,'' she smiled at Patricia. The woman was a bit shy – understandably – since she was still getting used to everyone, and Jane knew she probably would be feeling like an intruder. And because Jane didn't really do subtle, she had to express the sentiment verbally. ''You're part of us now Pat. And you ought to know, so you don't keep wondering what's going on''

''You mean like wondering why you two have black kids,'' Frost lightly punched Jane in the arm laughing.

''Can you just shut up for a minute so I can actually talk,'' the brunette said impatiently. She smiled fondly at Frost though, a secret thank you to him for lightening things up.

''The mixed babies…it wasn't intentional''

The room fell silent. Several indiscernible expressions on everyone's face.

''There was a mix up at the…you know. Sperm bank,'' she said sheepishly. ''This was as much of a surprise to us as it is to you''

''Wow,'' Nina said. ''Have you contacted them? I mean, I've heard of this kinda stuff happening but…''

''You should sue them. It's really not acceptable to make such mistakes you know?'' Tommy added.

''Me and Maura haven't thought very far yet. We've just been really busy and tired''

''We can help Jane,'' Korsak offered. ''Just tell us where to start and you can relax while we look into it''

''Thanks. I was kinda hoping you'd ask,'' she laughed. ''I'm just _SO _tired and worried.''

''Oh Jane,'' Nina went to sit on the bed with her to offer comfort. It wasn't often that the detective admitted to something like that.

''It would help a bit if Amanda was here''

''Why?'' Frost almost squealed, immediately hating himself for being so transparent when all eyes fell on him. The man could practically feel Jane saying _Really!_

''She referred us to this particular sperm bank, and she is the one that…did the insemination,'' Jane added that last part really quickly.

The room was silent yet again.

...for about five seconds until Theo starting making sounds, indicating he was waking up. It escalated into a full blown cry in just a few seconds more. Everyone's attention was then diverted to the two little ones, because Mia was woken up as well. They spend the next about half an hour seeing the babies and chatting and laughing.

* * *

That little gut thing Jane is always on about, well, Frost has that too. His gut had been churning for months now. There was this niggling of worry and fear at the back of his mind since that night with Amanda. That niggling only got worse and worse by the day when he still hadn't heard word from the woman. Aside from the fact that he had a 'thing' for her, he couldn't get past the idea of her just disappearing like that. It didn't add up. If she wanted to relocate to Canada she could have just said so, not need to be evasive about it and then just wipe yourself off of earth. _What was that all about? _

''What's up with you guys losing your words,'' Korsak said to Frost. ''I can understand Jane; she'd been through a great deal. What's _your _excuse?'' The older man had watched Frost struggle with his words for a few minutes now and he was getting impatient.

''I'm not expert at pregnancy stuff but I've been doing some research since yesterday.'' The two were at the dirty robber where Frost had asked Korsak for about an hour of his evening to talk. Since seeing Jane the previous day, Frost thought he had an idea what was going on.

''And…?''

''I've been counting back from when the triplets were born, to try to determine when exactly Jane got pregnant. I've narrowed it down to the window between when she could have gotten pregnant and before Amanda left''

''Right…'' Korsak knew he was trying to make a point.

''And it comes down to around that week we last went out with Amanda before she left for her grandma's funeral''

''I thought we said we'd look into this tomorrow''

_They had agreed to finish the paperwork for their last case and then start seeing into Jane's case from tomorrow. _

''I know but…this is really eating at him and I'm starting to feel a bit sick''

He actually _did_ look a bit ill.

Korsak didn't understand why he of all people concerned should be taking it this hard.

''Korsak…this is a HUGE leap. It's something that's kept me up almost the whole of last night. And if I'm brutally honest, it's something that's kept me up for months.''

''What's wrong Frost,'' the old man was starting to get genuinely troubled.

''That night when we last went out, I slept with Amanda. And then again the next night.'' Korsak would have plugged his ears if he wasn't so concerned. Immediately he knows that the act of them sleeping together was a minor issue compared to what Frost was yet to say.

''I don't know what the hell happened but that Friday night...I don't remember the rest of it.''

''At all?''

''I remember we were piss drunk here. And Frankie drove us to her place, and…I don't know. I very vaguely remember us sleeping together. But it's more like a dream or a fantasy sort of thing.''

''So maybe you didn't sleep with her,'' Korsak said cautiously.

''I did. The beginning of it happened I'm sure. But the rest is just a blank page. Till this day Korsak, I just remember waking up in bed naked with her''

Korsak quickly tried to rid himself of those images. ''And the next night?''

''That's the suspicious bit yeah. We went out and got hammered again. Remember I came in late on Monday thoroughly hung over and-''

''Yeah I remember that morning''

''Exactly. I remember that night too. I was wasted but I remember everything we did. Obviously not super clearly but I do know what happened''

''So the night before…''

''I don't wanna think this, but I feel like I might have been drugged or something''

''By Amanda?'' Korsak almost snorted.

''Listen, I know it's all so weird and everything. That's why I haven't mentioned it and I've just let it bother me quietly. I actually tried to explain it to Jane afterward but she laughed at me and took off.

''So now why is this important?''

Korsak wasn't stupid. He was already putting two and two together. But just like Frost, he wanted it all to be a dream.

''It's been eating at me for all this time like I said. But I guess I've been able to push it at the back of my head. But yesterday when Jane said that Amanda did…the thing for them. It took me to all kinds of places in my head''

They both took a moment to let it sink in.

''So…'' Korsak began counting off on his fingers. '' You sleep with Amanda. You have no recollection of it. Jane is pregnant. Amanda disappears. Jane has mixed babies she and Maura never planned to have.''

''Yes. You get it?'' He looked hopefully at Korsak.

''So what you are saying is that you think those babies are yours.'' Frost quickly jerked around to make sure no one was within hearing distance. It was as if Korsak had said he had a bomb and was planning to destroy the whole country.

''I'm not _saying it_,'' he let out through gritted teeth.

''But you're thinking it''

They let everything sink in again for a moment, sipping on their beers.

''Tell me one thing though? Why would Amanda do something like that?''

''That's one of the _many _things bothering me too,'' Frost whispered. Having his fears verified was not as relieving as he imagined. Yes it made him feel less crazy, but that certainly didn't help matters.

''Jane is going to kill her,'' Korsak whistled. ''At least that explains her sudden disappearance. I bet she knows she's as good as dead if she ever steps foot here''

Frost chuckled humourlessly.

''Look. Before we get ahead of ourselves here, lets first make sure this is true,'' Korsak reasoned.

''What about Jane and Maura? What do we tell them?'' Frost sounded so scared. Korsak felt sorry for him. The old man would definitely not want to be in his shoes.

''I don't know about you, but I suggest telling them the truth. It's only fair''

''What if they get all worked up and it isn't even the case here''

''How do u plan on getting to the bottom of this then? Discretely doing a cheek swab on one of the babies and then running a DNA test? Tell me how you will explain something like that to _Jane Rizzoli_ and _Maura Isles_ if those tests come back as a match?''

He had a point. Such deceit would put him in very bad books with those two women he loved very much. Yes, the truth was definitely the way to go. Regardless of how very difficult it was going to be.

''Can you talk to them though? Please. I don't think that I can do it''

''Sure kid''

* * *

**AN: How do you think Jane and Maura are going to react to this piece of information? **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Rizzoli and Isles. **

* * *

When Maura walked into the room she found Jane crying. Not just the tears running down your cheeks crying – no – proper hiccupping kind of crying.

''Oh my God Jane are you alright,'' Maura rushed to her side.

''Where were you?'' Jane just about managed to ask. It didn't sound like an accusation. It came out more like 'I was running out of air to breath how could you have walked out with my oxygen tank'.

''You were asleep Jane I didn't want to wake you,'' Maura stood a little helplessly beside the bed. ''I had just gone to check on the kids. Are you alright Jane?''

''No,'' Jane burst out crying again, and Maura could see it on her face; Jane was in absolute agony.

The detective fancied herself a brave woman. And she was, no argument there. But some things are just not worth testing. It was the fourth day in the hospital. Jane had been deemed fit enough to go home the previous day, but she sure as hell wasn't leaving her babies behind. So she had moved into the room in NICU where Maura had been residing. The two were going to stay there for at least two weeks until Theo and Mia were hopefully going to be discharged. Benjamin would have to stay a couple weeks more they had been told.

''Jane it's alright, just focus on breathing please.'' She was getting breathless. It was their first morning and things were going wrong already.

It was her fault.

When they said she was alright, and they took off the metal staples on her C-section wound, she felt like she was invincible. Thing is, Jane hates to feel like an invalid. She'd always been like that, nothing new there. So when she moved into the room the previous afternoon she had stored away her bunch of pain medication stating she didn't need it. _''I feel like an addict always doped up on these pills. I hardly have the strength to hold my babies,'' she had said. Maura didn't argue because she knew her wife. The best way she could learn was through her mistakes. _

''Here, take these,'' Maura opened the bottles handing Jane the three pills she needed to take, before going to the kitchenette and bringing her a glass of water.

Jane was in that much pain, she didn't even argue.

''Come on, let's have a shower.'' Maura helped Jane stand up. Any action requiring the use of her stomach muscles was the worst. They went to the bathroom where Maura helped her take off her sleeping shirt and turned the shower on to warm up. They had argued about this two days ago. Jane _needed _help cleaning up, and she hated that fact. Maura had quickly listed all the possibilities of infections and just about everything else that could go wrong from not cleaning and taking care of herself properly. It was enough to shut Jane up and accept help – it still didn't make her like it though.

''I'll just grab the conditioner,'' Maura said knowingly, walking out of the bathroom for a minute. Jane was bleeding as expected, and had to have a pad on. What she didn't like was Maura watching all this. The blonde looked at it from a medical perspective, saying it was alright and only natural. To Jane, it was plain disgusting.

Two minutes later Maura walked back in, and as she anticipated, Jane was already in the shower trying desperately to clean herself quickly. Maura put out a pair of clean 'grandma' panties and a pad out for Jane, as well as a long dress. _That _was another hurdle they were going to have to pass. Jane was like a child sometimes.

''Mia and Theo were asleep,'' Maura related as she massaged shampoo into Jane's hair.

''And Benny?''

''No he was awake. But quiet, no crying today''

''Mmmmm,'' Jane moaned at Maura's movements. As much as they argued, they were quick to get over it. And by the time the doctor was done with Jane's hair, they had fallen into each others arms and were kissing. ''I can't believe this is our first time of complete privacy in four days,'' she panted when she pulled away.

''It is indeed,'' Maura smiled a naughty smile.

''Sorry about earlier''

''You don't have to do that Jane. I told you to stop apologising''

''I was in so much pain Maura, and I wanted to get up but I couldn't. It hurt so bad I needed help. And then all this bleeding I desperately needed a shower''

''I shouldn't have left anyway''

''No. I should have been patient and waited. And I should have taken my damn pills last night.''

Maura laughed and then pulled Jane back to her for another kiss. ''I had missed you so badly,'' she moaned. ''I had missed just having you this close, and alone, and-'' But those words died out again as Jane slid her tongue into Maura's mouth. It was a real battle, as they both took what they'd been missing for so long. The air was already charged, and they both felt their nipples tighten with arousal as the water cascaded over them.

''Jane,'' Maura panted. ''Perhaps we should stop'' she was getting too far into it and knew it was probably too soon for Jane.

''Perhaps we shouldn't,'' Jane finished her words off by leaning against the wall for extra support and sliding two fingers over Maura's clit. It felt so good - for both of them – it had been a while.

''Ja-'' she didn't even get to the end of four letters because Jane circled her fingers over her wet clit and her whole body convulsed with need. ''ahhhhhh''

''This shouldn't take long,'' Jane smiled against Maura's mouth and her long fingers entered the blonde. Maura held onto Jane's shoulders while the brunette thrust into her, going deeper and quicker. For sure it didn't take long, because Maura came undone with a quiet cry shortly. Jane swallowed the last of her moans in a searing kiss as she slowly slid her fingers out.

''Are you ready?'' Maura asked.

Jane felt like she was, but wasn't sure.

''Just oral, no penetration,'' Maura said, shutting the water and stepping out of the shower. ''You're tired Jane, you need to lie down,'' Maura answered the unasked question when she saw Jane's perplexed face.

They didn't bother drying themselves as Jane got on the bed and Maura crawled over. The blonde resumed kissing her, relishing the feeling of finally having intimacy. Her deft fingers made their way south towards Jane's centre as she gently pulled her lips away. She had to be careful, the last thing she wanted was hurting Jane while having sex. How embarrassing would that be to explain to the doctor who'd have to attend to Jane.

''Fuck,'' Jane let out the instant Maura's fingers found her.

''Keep it down,'' Maura whispered, giggling like a school girl.

They felt rebellious. What with having sex before authorisation and all.

Just like Maura, Jane didn't last long either. The blonde was careful not to penetrate her and not to add any unnecessary pressure. She simply stimulated Jane's clit until the brunette came apart in her arms.

They were going to have to clean up again.

* * *

''Oh wow,'' Patricia said the second Jane walked into the kitchen.

''God I knew it. I look like a complete idiot'' Jane huffed as she carefully sat on the kitchen stool.

''It's just a dress Jane, will you stop whining''

''I would if everyone didn't look at me in shock''

''You can't even put on a pair of pants on your own, because it hurts too much. And you are too proud to accept my help each time. So you are going to have to wear dresses till you can manage on your own…or you know, till you can let me help,'' Maura smiled.

They had a quick chat with Patricia about how everything was getting along at the house. The woman had since moved in and had already started with the cleaning and laundry – transporting Jane and Maura's as well as the children's clothes to and from the hospital. Angela was also staying there for the moment so Pat wouldn't be lonely in the huge house all by herself.

''So I'll see you tomorrow,'' Patricia said minutes later as she headed out of the house.

''Sure. Thank you,'' Maura closed the door after her, and went back to join her wife in the living room.

''You know, if I knew we were going to wind up here I would have left our earlier escapade for now''

''Well it's not like we knew Korsak was going to suggest meeting up here to talk''

They both turned sombre, but before more could be said the doorbell rang. Maura briskly went to answer it, albeit on shaky feet. Before her stood an anxious Korsak and nervous Frost.

Maura's heart sank. _This can't be good, she thought. _

She ushered the pair in, where they quickly exchanged unnecessary pleasantries with Jane, purposefully neglecting the reason for their visit for a few moments more.

''So uhhh we haven't looked into your case,'' Korsak began seriously.

''You haven't,'' Maura unconsciously moved to the edge of her seat.

''Not really''

''What do you mean, not really?'' the blonde asked.

''There is something we have to look into first, before we take this further - you know, with the sperm bank and all''

''I don't understand. Is there a problem we should know about?''

''In a way, yes. Well probably not a _problem _as such, but more like…a…_situation_''

''Korsak, you are going to have to be _very _specific about what you are referring to''

Maura and Korsak seemed to be having the conversation on their own as Jane and Frost sat quietly watching the two like one would a tennis match.

Korsak scratched his head. It was a lot easier when he suggested doing all the talking, now that he was actually here it seemed impossible.

''Whatever it is, sooner or later you are going to have to say it. You might as well just get to it,'' Jane's raspy voice broke through the air. ''What do you guys know that we should know?''

''When you explained to us the circumstances surrounding the…conception, it brought a few events to light. For Frost,'' Korsak gestured to the silent detective beside him. ''Turns out, the weekend before your insemination was that weekend, Jane, when Frost told you what happened between him and Amanda''

Maura immediately turned to Jane, ''what weekend? What are they talking about Jane?'' she half frantically asked her wife.

''Frost slept with Amanda that weekend, and he believes he was drugged,'' Korsak explained to Maura.

''I'm sorry but I'm not following. Frost was what?...and what does that have to do with this?'' _she wasn't getting it. _

Korsak sighed. ''He slept with Amanda, he has blank patches of the night, the following week Amanda helps you get pregnant, she disappears, and now you have three biracial babies,'' he spelt it out for Maura as simply as he could.

Maura turned back to Jane, and the look of understanding on her wife's face puzzled her even more. ''Do you understand any of this? Do you _believe _it?''

Jane and Frost were looking at each other, completely unreadable features marring their faces. Korsak nudged Frost a little bit and all the young detective could do was look at his shoes.

''Son of a bitch!'' Jane blurted.

''Jane,'' Korsak quickly intervened. ''This is all speculation at the moment. We think it's best to first run a DNA test before we get ahead of ourselves here.''

Jane bitterly chuckled. ''I _cannot _believe this''

''You actually believe this Jane?'' Maura stood up. Jane's 'cannot' translated to 'can'. ''Why would Amanda do such a thing? In any case, I picked up the sperm myself and when Amanda got here everything was all set up.''

''Can you hear yourself Maura?'' Jane's bitter words stopped the blonde dead in her tracks. ''Just stop and think for a minute ok. She came in here and went to the bathroom to prepare. Where you in the bathroom with her?''

''No but-''

''She knew exactly when we wanted to do this, and she waited that particular weekend to sleep with Frost. Who coincidentally remembers jack shit about that night''

''Korsak was right,'' Maura said calmly. ''The best thing is to first do a DNA test and pick things up from there''

''Can you just not be naïve for a second okay!'' Jane shouted.

''Hey!'' Frost barked back. Those were the _first _words that left his mouth since entering the house.

''No YOU don't get to fucking say anything,'' Jane pointed an accusing finger at him. ''Your recklessness is what's got us in this mess – getting piss drunk that-''

''Don't you dare act as if you didn't get drunk with us too,'' the younger man retorted.

''Yes I did. But I didn't go dishing out my sperm…or eggs or whatever to everyone,'' she flailed her hand.

''I was tricked into this Jane. You think I wanted this?''

Both Korsak and Maura wanted to interject but found themselves still and unable to speak.

''Bullshit Frost. You should have used better judgement''

''I tried to tell you how I felt that day but you brushed me off''

''You should have just gotten to the fucking point to begin with''

''Look. You are as much of a victim as I am ok. You are the one who told us what happened and you needed our help to solve this''

''I needed your help to find out what happened. I didn't need a father for my children''

Korsak and Maura had still not uttered a word.

''You know what. Fuck you,'' Frost pointed back accusingly at Jane. ''How do I know that you and Amanda where not in this together huh?''

''Excuse me?''

''I said, how do I know that you guys didn't plan it and I'm the blind one in all of this?''

''How could you even think that?'' Jane's face was almost red with anger as she forcefully shot out of her seat.

''GET OUT!'' Maura suddenly yelled at Frost. But then everyone went still in that instant as Jane crumbled to floor - unconscious.

* * *

**AN: *Hides***


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Blimey, this took longer than the other chapters, sorry.**

* * *

''Lift her feet onto the couch,'' Maura demanded.

Frost quickly set to work, asking no questions. Maura gently guided her unconscious wife so she was lying as comfortably as she could on the cool floor. Put in the recovering position, Maura began talking to her – trying to rouse her.

There was no response.

''Jane, sweetheart, please get up.'' Her gentle and insistent caresses where met with nothing from Jane's end. ''Call an ambulance, hurry please,'' she pleaded with the two met in the room, who had silently been doing as told and offering nothing else.

Jane's pulse was weak and it was nearing four minutes now since she fainted. Frost was fanning her - desperately trying to offer more cool air – while Maura kept tabs on her pulse and Korsak stayed on the phone with the medics who where a minute away from the house.

...

It felt like a lifetime to Maura as the ambulance drove away towards the hospital. She had left wordlessly as Korsak assumed the task of locking up and contacting the Rizzoli's. The medics asked Maura all necessary questions about Jane which she answered to the best of her knowledge. Half way to the hospital Jane regained consciousness. She didn't quite have her words yet, but everyone was relieved that she was awake.

''Don't beat yourself up kid,'' Korsak placed a soothing hand on Frosts shoulder. The young detective immediately dropped all pretence of being strong and crumbled in Korsak's bear hug.

''I'll never forgive myself if anything happens to her,'' he tried to get out through repressed sobs.

''She'll be fine. Jane is a trooper''

Frost wasn't entirely convinced, but he eventually sobered up as they made their way to the precinct. His promise to himself was never to stress Jane out again over the paternity issues. And thinking back to the way Maura had looked at him as she yelled ''Shut up'', Frost wasn't sure how he was ever going to face her again.

* * *

''Doctor Isles,'' Jane's doctor spoke to Maura in a pitiful voice. ''blaming yourself isn't going to do anyone much good. Jane is an adult, and if she hadn't been well enough to have sex she would have told you.'' Maura didn't respond; she felt like a scholar being reprimanded and assured by her teacher. ''I've put your wife on bed rest for the next forty-eight hours. And when I say bed rest I _mean _bed rest,'' she emphasized seriously. ''She isn't to do _anything _at all. Her walks will consist of going to the toilet and back to bed. Now, instead of blaming yourself you could keep a close eye on Jane. Make sure she follows instructions, takes her medicine, and _rests. _The children will be brought to her, except for Benjamin I'm afraid.''

''She's not going to like that,'' Maura chuckled sadly.

''True. But it's in everyone's best interest.''

Maura felt uneasy, confessing their entire situation to the doctor had been frightening. It had felt a little like stripping naked in front of the woman, and she felt like she hadn't enough hands to cover all her private bits.

''Are you speaking to anyone Doctor Isles?''

Maura knew what she meant. _Are you seeing a therapist? _''No''

''I would recommend you did. Jane collapsed mostly due to physical excursion – the strain of all she did soon after giving birth – particularly the way she forcefully stood up as you described. But part of her collapse was emotional stress. I can't say I know from experience, but realising that the biological father of your children is your friend, someone more or less like a young brother to you, isn't easy. Especially given the fact that you didn't plan it. That sort of knowledge can be very overwhelming, and it doesn't help that the person involved in creating this chaos is a dear friend of yours who is nowhere to be found and whose motives are unknown,'' Maura was sitting in a chair in the doctor's office listening intently. ''This isn't my field of expertise, but I can imagine that you are in a rather precarious position. These children were supposed to be yours and Jane's, but now another person has been added into the equation, a person who might have more say than you do,'' she looked at Maura sympathetically again, wishing she could find the right words to make the poor woman look and feel better. ''These are days in which you and wife should be celebrating, but they have been turned into somewhat confusing days. You had planned for only one child but you got three, that in itself is overwhelming. And I imagine you hardly sleep worrying about little Benjamin, and you feel so guilty each time you are away from him and he is alone.''

Finally Maura started crying.

''You are an individual Maura,'' she said trying to sound more comforting. ''you can't be in three places at the same time. You can't be with Benjamin, and be with Mia and Theodore at the same time and also be with Jane. It's not possible. The situation is far less than ideal but you need to make do with what you have. I won't even bother telling you to take time to yourself, because I know you would never do it. I would never do it either had I been in your situation,'' Maura smiled gratefully. It's always nice having someone who tells you the truth. ''You just need to learn to manage your time well, and rest whenever you can. Jane is at an advantage now because she has you to take care or her. Now imagine, who would take care of _you _if you collapsed? Who would take care of the children, and your wife? Please, take it easy. You can't afford to fall apart now. Hang in there ok?'' She stood up and rounded her table to go and give Maura a hug. The blonde looked like someone who was in desperate need of one. ''If you want to collapse, do it when Jane is feeling better alright.'' The joke lightened the situation and made Maura genuinely laugh. We don't realise it at times, but having someone to talk to really does help. Because when Maura headed back to Jane's room she felt that much better. Exhausted, scared, and overwhelmed – yes – but definitely no longer on the brink of a complete breakdown.

* * *

In the next couple days that followed, Maura doted on Jane. The blonde organised herself such that none of her loved ones were lacking. During the night she woke up every couple of hours to feed Theo and Mia, and to check up on Benny. And first thing in the morning she and the two babies joined Jane in her room. Due to what had happened to Jane, the only other visitor she was allowed during her time of bed rest was Angela. But now that it was over, and she was fine, the brunette was once again feeling slightly apprehensive.

''I had a weird dream,'' she shared with Maura who was folding away a few clothes in the small cupboard space they had in their room in the NICU.

''What was it about?'' Maura asked distractedly.

''Tommy had come to see me''

Hearing the slight tremor in Jane voice, Maura stopped what she was doing and gave Jane her full attention. ''And?'' she asked, leaning against the wall.

''We were uhhh…talking about the children,'' she said vaguely. Maura waited patiently not wanting to cause Jane to lose her nerve. ''And Tommy was asking what if Frost wanted to be in the kids' lives, you know…as their father and all''

Maura nervously settled herself down on the nearby armchair. Jane had indeed addressed one of her greatest fears. ''What did you say to him?''

''I don't quite remember all the parts of the conversation but I remember saying to him that it wasn't going to happen. That they were our kids and if he was involved it'd be the same way that Tommy himself was involved – just as an uncle''

Relief. But Maura was still uncertain. After all, this was just a dream scenario.

''Tommy said that if he persisted we could just give him one kid, since we have three. And that we should give him Benny since he is the sick one''

Maura gasped. Over her dead body that would happen. ''How could he sa-'' her chest physically ached so much so she couldn't even finish the sentence.

''I told him that they were babies not puppies, and that you couldn't just say 'hey I have three, here, have one'.'' At least Jane's antics made Maura smile a little bit. ''I don't know what we are going to say to people Maura,'' she sighed, falling slowly back onto the bed in an attempt to fully relax.

''I'm at a loss as well. But I suppose the first thing is to speak with Frost. And we don't have to do it now,'' Maura hastily added not wanting to cause any immediate pressure on Jane.

''I'm alright now Maura. It's ok. But this really isn't something that we can put off for very long. I think it's something that we need to address and deal with now.''

''Do you really think Frost will want to be part of their lives, you know like in your dream – as their father?''

''No I don't think so,'' Jane said certainly. ''But I can't be sure,'' she then added.

...

Later on Jane was sitting on a rocking chair with Benny in her arms. Her dream had affected her, but it wasn't really the issue with Frost. What had been spinning in her mind were the words Tommy had said – that they could give Frost Benjamin since he was the sick one. The notion had made her feel ill for the most part of the day, because the way she loved her son was indescribable. Parents don't like to admit this (some can't), but they may have a favourite child. The child who occupied most of Jane's thoughts was Benjamin. She thought of him the most. She worried and worried about him. He was more often than not her first waking thought and last sleeping thought. She longed more than anything to be able to just hold him, so he could know how much she loved him – so he could get better faster.

So she had spoken with the doctor and told him she needed to hold her son. They advised that he was better off in the incubator for at least a couple more days but Jane had had it and wasn't taking no for an answer. They agreed on half an hour at most, so Jane and Maura could hold him for the first time.

The brunette watched her son intently. It scared her a little, that he was going to grow up looking like a combination of her and Frost. It was still a little hard to tell, but it seemed like they would pick up a lot from Frost. As it was, Benny already had a bit of brown hair, a wide-ish looking nose and a skin tone that promised to get much more tan. But only time would tell, because kids change as they grow. At the end of the day, it didn't matter what they looked like. It mattered that they were healthy and loved.

Later in the night when Jane was thoroughly spent and half asleep, Maura left the bed for a shower – her excuse for alone time. One thing she had promised herself not to do in the past two days was to cry sorrowful tears in front of Jane. That wouldn't do the recovering mother any good. So as the hot water ran down her body, she allowed herself those quiet moments to release her stress in the form of tears. Taking Jane's doctors' advice she had called her mother and asked her to come immediately. Constance would be arriving the next day, and she was hoping to have at least made a dent on her pent up tears. As the salty liquid from her eyes mingled with the shower water, Maura thought…

_When it all comes out, where do I stand?_

_The Frost's and the Rizzoli's will all be involved, and I'll just be the Isles wife._

_The children have my last name yes, but Jane is their mother and Frost is their father. _

_Maybe when the children grow up they will hate me saying I kept them from being with their mother and father. _

_Why is all this happening to me…to us?_

_We already lost a child, now this!_

_Why would Amanda do such a thing?_

It took a while for her initial grief to subside, and then she began to think a bit more clearly.

_There is no personal gain for Amanda in all this, unless, like me, she was with Frost and wanted children but couldn't have them. _

_But then she isn't dating Frost, and in any case, the kids would be Jane's and Frost's not hers. So no!_

_Maybe she and Jane were together before I returned, and this is her payback for maybe being rejected by Jane. _

_But this also hurts Frost and she really wouldn't hurt so many people if it was just solely to get back at Jane. _

_Maybe it's both Jane and Frost that wronged her somehow, and she saw this as a fitting punishment. _

_But it also hurts me, and I never did anything to her to deserve this. _

_Unless she is acting on behalf of someone. Someone who would want to hurt me and Jane and Frost. Who is a mutual enemy, so to say, among us all?_

It only took a few seconds for everything to sort itself out in Maura's head.

_Jason. _

_It all makes sense. Amanda was a friend of Jason long before Jane met him. Her loyalties would undoubtedly lie with him. Jason had been furious when Jane left him, and doing something like this would undeniably hurt us. It would cause turmoil and conflict among us all, which is just what he wants. The Rizzoli's were in favour of my relationship with Jane, so was Frost and Korsak. Jason had no one to side with him. No 'wingman' to help him win back Jane's affections. _

_He did this to hurt ALL of us. He did this as payback for being dumped. _

Maura leaned against the wall feeling her knees go weak. She was no longer aware of the water running down her body. For all she knew it might had gone cold, but that was inconsequential in light of this new found information.


End file.
